Cloud9000 - Special Contributors

For the last five days I have been ‘sitting Shiva’ – a traditional Jewish mourning ritual that honours the dead and helps the mourners through the first difficult days of death. Despite rejecting the religious, dogmatic aspects of the religion, I love the traditions, customs and rituals, and despite the Shiva being the most solemn of all traditions I find it the most powerful.

The Shiva is held in the house of the principle mourner, (in this case my mother). It is considered a great ‘mitzvah’ for family and friends to visit and give blessings of ‘a long life’ or to say ‘may we meet only at simcha’s.’ The mourner has a part of their clothes ripped to represent the ‘tearing away’ of the loved one and they must wear this throughout the seven day mourning period. They are also not allowed to wear leather, jewellery, shower or bathe or shave. They must also sit on low chairs to represent their discomfort and pain while all mirrors are covered. The mourner is not obliged to do anything. People are there to cook, prepare meals and provide company.

In this case I and our friend Babi from Spain stayed with my mum from Sunday to Tuesday and my younger sister took over on Wednesday and Thursday. It was a powerful experience for me to really bond with my mum when she really needed me. I also realised how many times I had not been there for her. In fact when she most needed me in the early nineties during my parents divorce I deserted her and went to live in Sri Lanka and India where I stayed for a year and a half with minimal contact. I could finally see how the cycles of time and life were coming to completion, when I could bury the past and I was able to be with her when she needed me most.

We did everything by the book because my grandpa was a real traditionalist and perfectionist. He loved things done properly and I know he was with us when my uncle, who married a catholic and has not been involved in the religion for years, said the ‘kaddish’ (memorial prayer) in Hebrew. We were honouring him in death as we honoured him in life and it made us all feel empowered and at peace.

Every night was different, with many friends visiting us each night. There was also an atmosphere that no words can describe. There was sadness but at the same time there was a feeling of great celebration. We were celebrating as well as mourning his life and this is quite unusual as some Shiva’s can be very solemn and distressing occasions.

This mourning period is over and yet I know my grandpa is still with me helping me from another dimension. I also know that he is finally seeing me, without all the blinkers from his Jewish upbringing and dogmatic conditioning. He is seeing me as the free spirit that I am and understands me fully for the first time. I know our relationship has not ended it has only changed into something different and he will be with me in spirit until my own life ends.

How blessed am I!

Love and blessings

Rebekah Shaman xxx

As a side note: It is interesting that the Hindu god of death and destruction, also known as the destroyer, is also called Shiva.