Nat

I stayed in the city tonight, because snow and ice are forecast during tomorrow’s commute. My wife is doing the same thing where she works, so I ate dinner alone in a steakhouse near my office.

Sometimes I like eating by myself, and tonight was one of those times. At the booth adjoining mine, there was a couple on a date. From what I could hear of the conversation, I guess it was their first. The man, a slightly husky, almost attractive guy in his late 20s, sat facing me, so I could hear every word he spoke. His date, a blond woman with broad shoulders, had her back to me, so I could barely hear her. The date didn’t go particularly well. She declined his suggestion that they stay for dessert, and when they got up to leave, she flashed a tight smile as she faced the door. I took it to mean, “Well, good. That’s over.”

Her date talked too much, telling stories about his college life that weren’t interesting or clever, but I felt sorry for him. He seemed decent enough, not self-important or egotistical. I arrived late in their dinner, so it’s hard to know if he was talking to fill awkward silences. I assume he knew it wasn’t going any further, but I was grateful not to hear their parting comments to one another. It takes a smooth guy to extract from that situation with grace and charm. The experience made me glad (as I always am) to be happily married.

Witnessing their date did, though, get me thinking about the effort we make to be happy. Sometimes, what’s important is how we try to find happiness rather than how well we try to find it. I give credit to anyone who puts himself out there with a stranger. There’s always a risk of embarrassment or disappointment.

I’m coming to see the search for happiness as a numbers game, like door to door sales or job hunting. You really have to keep at it. Some days you’ll find it every where you turn, and some days you’ll try all the wrong things and get frustrated. But you won’t gain anything by settling into old habits that brought you just a little satisfaction in the past. In that respect, the search for happiness is an exercise. You have to keep pushing yourself to get to a higher level.

I wonder if the young man thought tonight was worth it. His date was pretty, had a nice smile, and dressed up for him. I hope he wasn’t bitter. It might have worked out great.