Michael

Pleasing others can be one of the most difficult endeavors we do as humans, especially when we combine that with not pleasing ourselves. Do you struggle with this hard to break behavior? As one who used to practice this activity on a daily basis, I can empathize.

When you think it about it, it’s really impossible to “please others” because ultimately every individual is solely responsible for their own feeling of well-being. No one else can cause you to feel bad nor can anyone do enough to make you feel exactly the way you want to feel. Depending on others to feel better will generally get you in trouble as those people may not be around all the time.

Why do you want to please others? Is it because you want to get their attention? Do you want someone to like you more or not be mad at you? Are you fearful for some reason and feel that pleasing others will help prevent something bad from happening to you? Are you uncomfortable with confrontation? What other reasons can you think of?

The one that I used often was that I didn’t like someone being mad at me. I felt terrible and always thought that whoever was mad at me meant that the relationship was going to end. Of course, now I know that was completely wrong and downright silly. I also hated confrontation to the point that I would do almost anything to avoid it. Placating and pleasing people were great diversions.

If you strive to please people with no regard for yourself, I strongly suggest getting some professional help. As the reasons could be varied, complex and deep, a professional could really do some good for you. If, on the other hand, you occasionally do this, start examining the reasons why. Are there certain situations that seem to bring out this behavior more than other times? What are you feeling at those moments? In other words, start investigating the conditions, situations and feelings that you are experiencing during the times you feel the need to please others. Try talking about it with a close friend. Vocalize what is going on internally.

I wish you good fortune in your pursuit of releasing your need to please others.

Michael