Michael

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. - Tom Robbins

Back in the late 1980’s I had a mentor/teacher that fundamentally changed my view of relationships. She was a very independent person. So much so, that I could not for the life of me understand why she would be in a relationship. What was the point?

So, one day I asked her why she was married and in a serious relationship? She looked at me quizzically and said that there was only one reason for two people to be in a relationship. I leaned over the table at her with questioning eyes. I said, “What is the reason?”

She said, “We have fun together!” My mouth hung open. “That’s the reason?” I said, with shock in my eyes. She simply said, “Yes.” The point being that they chose to be together because they had fun. That was it! At the time, I could not even relate to what she was saying, but her answer stuck with me.

That began many years of introspection, counseling, thinking, learning self-fulfillment and developing independence. I went through several relationships, some big, some small. But each one was an improvement over the prior. As I learned to feel great about whom I was, I became more self-sufficient and learned to love myself in entirety (both negative and positive aspects), I grew closer to having a meaningful and mature relationship.

I met a wonderful person on Father’s day. We’ve been seeing each other for almost two months now. We are both independent and self-sufficient. We have many similar interests. We have done six months worth of activities in two months. We like each other for who we are, not for who we want each other to be. We enjoy each other’s company but don’t need to be together. We choose to be together. Bottom line, we are having fun.

This is new ground for me and I plan on seeing where it leads without expectations, anxiety or impatience. We are living in the moment and having great fun. The relationships is progressing at it’s own pace. What more can we ask for?

Michael