Michael

Today marks the 730th day since Erica and I met. It seems like a lot when written that way. It also seems like it hasn’t been that long and at the same time it seems like we have known each other for a very long time. Funny, isn’t it?

She is an amazing person and I’ve had a great time hanging out with her. We love to travel together and get along quite well on our many trips. Since we are both well-traveled it really helps and also adds to the enjoyment of the trip itself. We share many interests and love to explore new things, taste new foods and experience different cultures.

As in any relationship, ups and downs are experienced, but it’s how you deal with them that makes the difference. People are constantly growing and changing which means relationships must adapt or adjust to those changes. There’s no right or wrong.

Bottom line, we are both having fun and I don’t see an end to that.

Erica, here’s to a great 2 years. I can’t wait to see what new things we will discover together in the future.

Michael

Make the most of every failure. Fall forward. – Author unknown

All the great men and woman throughout the ages have all had one thing in common. They never let failures stop them from achieving their goals.

Failures give us vast amounts of information on what needs to change to have success. But, sadly, many of us look at failures solely as the end result of bad decisions,  lack of ability or not being good enough. This attitude leaves out the key lessons that failures can give.

Failures are packed with ideas on what we can do better than before. If you stop yourself with the attitude that “I’m a failure” then you’ll never move forward. Successful people use failure as a motivation tool. They have the belief and attitude that nothing is going to stop them from reaching whatever they are reaching for.

Falling forward is about learning the lessons of why you failed. It’s about applying those lessons quickly and trying again. It’s about not believing you are a “failure.” It’s about excitement since each failure brings you closer to your goal.

But most importantly, it’s about knowing that we don’t really make mistakes. We make decisions and choices with the best we know at the time. If it ends up not being what we want, then we can change it. As long as we are moving forward, it’s okay.

Not to sound trite, but remember that failures are good. They really are!

Michael

Today is the day where romance fills the air and people actively show others how much they are loved. For quite some time, this tradition has been an important part of relationships. Gifts, cards, flowers, candy and other “treats” are given in vast quantities.

So, it was strange for me when I was at a leadership lecture on Thursday and the speaker spent several minutes talking about how much he loathed Valentine’s Day. This is a married man speaking about how terrible Valentine’s Day has been. Obviously I was curious to listen for his explanation.

In this man’s mind, Valentine’s Day is a cheap way to tell someone how you feel or treat them nice once, but do very little the rest of the year. In his view, most or many people don’t do much all year and feel that if they do something on Valentine’s Day then all is well.

I thought this was a fairly negative view of people and the tradition. But, as I thought about it, one point did stand out. It was that we should be telling our loved ones many more times than on this one day how much we love them. We should be treating them in a more positive manner regularly. We should show how much we care throughout the year.

I believe doing all of that would make Valentine’s Day even more special.

Nothing like the present to start a new habit.

Michael

Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night is a very old human need. – Margaret Mead

Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. – Leo Buscaglia

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. – Rainer Maria Rilke

One year ago today, I met Erica at a small restaurant in Newport, RI. One week prior to that I had thrown out my dating fishing line on Match.com. I received several promising contacts and set up four dates for that coming Saturday and Sunday.

My first date was for lunch on Saturday in North Kingstown. Sunday morning was a breakfast date in Newport. I then had to drive up to Providence for my lunch date and then back down to Newport for my dinner date which turned out to be Erica. I drove about 150 miles that day and had to use all my professional project management skills to make sure I was on time and prepared for each date (i.e. I had to review my notes to make sure I didn’t use the wrong name or misspoke a fact from their profile. ) My niece asked me if having four dates with four different women in two days was legal.

Erica stood out from the other dates by a mile. We had a excellent dinner and then decided to go for coffee. After that we went to a movie. Our first date ended up being several hours long.

My relationship with Erica is different than all the rest. I find it much more relaxed and easy. We have many shared interests. We love to travel together. Our quirks don’t bother each other. We both love trying new things and having adventures. Since we are both independent, there is none of that needy “stuff” that some couples seem to be absorbed in.

One year later, I think back at how much we have shared and done together.

One year later, I can’t think of one regret.

One year later, we’re still enjoying the ride.

Do I know what tomorrow will bring? No. But, I do know what today will bring. That’s the most important point.

Erica, here’s to you! Let’s don’t stop having fun.

Michael

I was awakened this morning by a soft “Are you awake?” My body was saying no, but my mouth said yes. Erica was awake and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was important to give my support in her moment of insomnia.

She had fallen asleep around 8:30 p.m. and I had fallen asleep at 11:30 p.m. Given that, I would have expected myself to be quite tired and groggy. Surprisingly I was wide awake in moments. I think she was surprised also.

Normally, Erica watches television or reads a little to help her return to unconsciousness. But, tonight we were away from her house and staying at my parents. Her normal methods were not available. Knowing that, I chatted (quite coherently I might add) for over 30 minutes until she was sleepy again.

I enjoy these moments of intimate conversation. They are important for growth in relationships and help to increase the bonds of intimacy. Plus I was able to be the first to tell her Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Erica! I hope this day was as special as you.

Michael

Erica and I have been going out for six months as of today. It’s really nice to be dating someone where everything is so relaxed.

No drama. No craziness. No games.

Just respect, fun plus a mutual desire to explore and experience the world. We’ve done more over six months than I have with others over a period of years.

We celebrated tonight at a wonderful restaurant in Providence called Cafe Nuovo. Good food. Excellent companionship.

Thanks Erica for just being who you are.

Michael

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. – Anthony Robbins

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship built on mutual trust and respect.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where I can be exactly who I am at any given moment.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship because I want to and not because I have to.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship full of fun, laughter and play.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where support is given freely.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship with a foundation of good communication.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where the other person can cook really well.

Michael

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. – Tom Robbins

Back in the late 1980’s I had a mentor/teacher that fundamentally changed my view of relationships. She was a very independent person. So much so, that I could not for the life of me understand why she would be in a relationship. What was the point?

So, one day I asked her why she was married and in a serious relationship? She looked at me quizzically and said that there was only one reason for two people to be in a relationship. I leaned over the table at her with questioning eyes. I said, “What is the reason?”

She said, “We have fun together!” My mouth hung open. “That’s the reason?” I said, with shock in my eyes. She simply said, “Yes.” The point being that they chose to be together because they had fun. That was it! At the time, I could not even relate to what she was saying, but her answer stuck with me.

That began many years of introspection, counseling, thinking, learning self-fulfillment and developing independence. I went through several relationships, some big, some small. But each one was an improvement over the prior. As I learned to feel great about whom I was, I became more self-sufficient and learned to love myself in entirety (both negative and positive aspects), I grew closer to having a meaningful and mature relationship.

I met a wonderful person on Father’s day. We’ve been seeing each other for almost two months now. We are both independent and self-sufficient. We have many similar interests. We have done six months worth of activities in two months. We like each other for who we are, not for who we want each other to be. We enjoy each other’s company but don’t need to be together. We choose to be together. Bottom line, we are having fun.

This is new ground for me and I plan on seeing where it leads without expectations, anxiety or impatience. We are living in the moment and having great fun. The relationships is progressing at it’s own pace. What more can we ask for?

Michael

Life can take such dramatic turns. I shouldn’t be amazed anymore, but it’s really hard not to be. In one week, I have a new boss who is fantastic and I’ve started a new relationship.

As I’ve stated numerous times, I really belief the key is that I constantly work on being as happy as I possibly can at every moment. This attitude makes my world have unlimited potential and possibilities. This is not an arrogant statement. I’ve been down the negative thought road and in my experience, my world was extremely limited in choices. In fact it was so limited, I could easily label it as crippling.

As I practice the techniques to adjust my thoughts and emotional state to be happier, it gets easier to do. I can’t wait to see what my life will be like in 10 years. Things are getting better all the time. It is a drastic difference from my “old” life of things getting worse.

Here is a great book to start learning how to change or pivot your thoughts to feel better: Ask and It is Given.

Have a great day!

Michael

Today, I visited my close friends who live on Cape Ann in Massachusetts. I’ve known them for 29 years. 29 years! That’s an incredibly long time. We have been through a lot together, some good, some not, some fantastic and some just day to day stuff. But our connection is quite deep and very strong.

“He’s (Stephen Stills) been a friend of mine, probably for longer than I’ve know anybody, come to think of it. He’s been a good friend over the years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re stilling playing together,” to quote David Crosby during a concert in the 70’s with Stephen Stills, Graham Nash and Neil Young. It’s how I feel about these special friends. We’ve seen each other in our best and in our most challenging times. We’ve dealt with love and death together. We’ve shared deeply spiritual moments that can now be remembered by just a glance.

These friends were the first people that I felt comfortable to be completely myself. It was a big step for me during that time. It’s funny how our level of trust grew so quickly; quicker than anyone else I’ve known.

We’ve lived in different cities for a quite some time, but we never seem to be far away. It only takes a moment to catch up. I love that.

Thanks for being who you are and being my close friends for 29 years.

Michael