Michael

Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night is a very old human need. - Margaret Mead

Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. - Leo Buscaglia

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. - Rainer Maria Rilke

One year ago today, I met Erica at a small restaurant in Newport, RI. One week prior to that I had thrown out my dating fishing line on Match.com. I received several promising contacts and set up four dates for that coming Saturday and Sunday.

My first date was for lunch on Saturday in North Kingstown. Sunday morning was a breakfast date in Newport. I then had to drive up to Providence for my lunch date and then back down to Newport for my dinner date which turned out to be Erica. I drove about 150 miles that day and had to use all my professional project management skills to make sure I was on time and prepared for each date (i.e. I had to review my notes to make sure I didn’t use the wrong name or misspoke a fact from their profile. ) My niece asked me if having four dates with four different women in two days was legal.

Erica stood out from the other dates by a mile. We had a excellent dinner and then decided to go for coffee. After that we went to a movie. Our first date ended up being several hours long.

My relationship with Erica is different than all the rest. I find it much more relaxed and easy. We have many shared interests. We love to travel together. Our quirks don’t bother each other. We both love trying new things and having adventures. Since we are both independent, there is none of that needy “stuff” that some couples seem to be absorbed in.

One year later, I think back at how much we have shared and done together.

One year later, I can’t think of one regret.

One year later, we’re still enjoying the ride.

Do I know what tomorrow will bring? No. But, I do know what today will bring. That’s the most important point.

Erica, here’s to you! Let’s don’t stop having fun.

Michael

I was awakened this morning by a soft “Are you awake?” My body was saying no, but my mouth said yes. Erica was awake and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was important to give my support in her moment of insomnia.

She had fallen asleep around 8:30 p.m. and I had fallen asleep at 11:30 p.m. Given that, I would have expected myself to be quite tired and groggy. Surprisingly I was wide awake in moments. I think she was surprised also.

Normally, Erica watches television or reads a little to help her return to unconsciousness. But, tonight we were away from her house and staying at my parents. Her normal methods were not available. Knowing that, I chatted (quite coherently I might add) for over 30 minutes until she was sleepy again.

I enjoy these moments of intimate conversation. They are important for growth in relationships and help to increase the bonds of intimacy. Plus I was able to be the first to tell her Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Erica! I hope this day was as special as you.

Michael

Erica and I have been going out for six months as of today. It’s really nice to be dating someone where everything is so relaxed.

No drama. No craziness. No games.

Just respect, fun plus a mutual desire to explore and experience the world. We’ve done more over six months than I have with others over a period of years.

We celebrated tonight at a wonderful restaurant in Providence called Cafe Nuovo. Good food. Excellent companionship.

Thanks Erica for just being who you are.

Michael

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. - Anthony Robbins

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship built on mutual trust and respect.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where I can be exactly who I am at any given moment.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship because I want to and not because I have to.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship full of fun, laughter and play.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where support is given freely.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship with a foundation of good communication.

It’s so refreshing to be in a relationship where the other person can cook really well.

Michael

When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. - Tom Robbins

Back in the late 1980’s I had a mentor/teacher that fundamentally changed my view of relationships. She was a very independent person. So much so, that I could not for the life of me understand why she would be in a relationship. What was the point?

So, one day I asked her why she was married and in a serious relationship? She looked at me quizzically and said that there was only one reason for two people to be in a relationship. I leaned over the table at her with questioning eyes. I said, “What is the reason?”

She said, “We have fun together!” My mouth hung open. “That’s the reason?” I said, with shock in my eyes. She simply said, “Yes.” The point being that they chose to be together because they had fun. That was it! At the time, I could not even relate to what she was saying, but her answer stuck with me.

That began many years of introspection, counseling, thinking, learning self-fulfillment and developing independence. I went through several relationships, some big, some small. But each one was an improvement over the prior. As I learned to feel great about whom I was, I became more self-sufficient and learned to love myself in entirety (both negative and positive aspects), I grew closer to having a meaningful and mature relationship.

I met a wonderful person on Father’s day. We’ve been seeing each other for almost two months now. We are both independent and self-sufficient. We have many similar interests. We have done six months worth of activities in two months. We like each other for who we are, not for who we want each other to be. We enjoy each other’s company but don’t need to be together. We choose to be together. Bottom line, we are having fun.

This is new ground for me and I plan on seeing where it leads without expectations, anxiety or impatience. We are living in the moment and having great fun. The relationships is progressing at it’s own pace. What more can we ask for?

Michael

Life can take such dramatic turns. I shouldn’t be amazed anymore, but it’s really hard not to be. In one week, I have a new boss who is fantastic and I’ve started a new relationship.

As I’ve stated numerous times, I really belief the key is that I constantly work on being as happy as I possibly can at every moment. This attitude makes my world have unlimited potential and possibilities. This is not an arrogant statement. I’ve been down the negative thought road and in my experience, my world was extremely limited in choices. In fact it was so limited, I could easily label it as crippling.

As I practice the techniques to adjust my thoughts and emotional state to be happier, it gets easier to do. I can’t wait to see what my life will be like in 10 years. Things are getting better all the time. It is a drastic difference from my “old” life of things getting worse.

Here is a great book to start learning how to change or pivot your thoughts to feel better: Ask and It is Given.

Have a great day!

Michael

Today, I visited my close friends who live on Cape Ann in Massachusetts. I’ve known them for 29 years. 29 years! That’s an incredibly long time. We have been through a lot together, some good, some not, some fantastic and some just day to day stuff. But our connection is quite deep and very strong.

“He’s (Stephen Stills) been a friend of mine, probably for longer than I’ve know anybody, come to think of it. He’s been a good friend over the years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re stilling playing together,” to quote David Crosby during a concert in the 70’s with Stephen Stills, Graham Nash and Neil Young. It’s how I feel about these special friends. We’ve seen each other in our best and in our most challenging times. We’ve dealt with love and death together. We’ve shared deeply spiritual moments that can now be remembered by just a glance.

These friends were the first people that I felt comfortable to be completely myself. It was a big step for me during that time. It’s funny how our level of trust grew so quickly; quicker than anyone else I’ve known.

We’ve lived in different cities for a quite some time, but we never seem to be far away. It only takes a moment to catch up. I love that.

Thanks for being who you are and being my close friends for 29 years.

Michael

Last night in London, I was able to have dinner with my good friend Rebecca. We went to a restaurant called the Union Cafe which is only a few blocks from Bond Street Station. Once we corrected an “ordering mistake” on our part, the reminder of the dinner was lovely.

But, really the actual dinner only had a small part to play in the evening. Our conversation was the highlight. Our talks and chats are always stimulating and invigorating. Don’t you find that with good friends? Sometimes when we talk, time seems to stand still. It feels like we always have enough time to say what either of us needs to share no matter how much time we actually have.

Invariably, we seem to meet at the most opportune time. We both have numerous examples of this over the several years we have known each other.

Tonight, Rebecca needed to talk. I needed to listen. It worked out perfectly. Our relationship is such that we can freely share intimate details of our lives that we wouldn’t typically share with others. It’s all about trust which was built around tremendous personal growth and changes that both of us shared together while I lived near London a few years ago.

We met in synchronistic circumstances (some use the term coincidence) on a plane traveling to Boston in 2002. Our relationship started off magically and we have been very close friends since. I think of her as family; my European family in fact.

I seem to grow just a little bit faster when we have our talks as they are always quite direct, honest and consciousness elevating. 

Friends like these are gifts and should be cherished, as they are priceless. Cultivate these relationships and you will always be wealthy.

To great friends.

Michael

I’ve been thinking a lot today about how we hold on to so many things; stuff around our house, old emotional hurts, relationships, bad habits, negative behaviors, old useless beliefs and etc. Most of the time we do this well beyond the point of reason. Letting go can be very hard. But it is vitally important for strong positive emotional growth. When we cling to things that have gone past their useful lifetime, we hold ourselves back from progressing to a more mature or evolved state of being. We also tend to use up a lot of our energy holding ourselves to things we should let go. It can be a really freeing experience to release or let go of something that has been holding us back.

My weakest area has been in relationships. In the past, I have found them very hard to let go. But, recently I’ve made significant progress in that area of my life. I now move on much quicker and regain my state of happiness faster than in the past. I now view each relationship as a stepping stone and not the one and only relationship. I learn what I need to learn. I have no ill will towards the person. I remember the good times. I believe that another person will come along better than the last.

When you learn to let go of things that should be let go, you’ll find that your state of happiness will instantly increase. Which will increase your chances that your next experience will be that much better. Letting go will allow your life experiences to become increasingly more enjoyable and fulfilling. And of course that will again increase your level of happiness and this positive cycle can then repeat over and over again.

So, pick something you need to let go. Maybe a small emotional hurt from the past. Take a look and see what you have learned. By looking at what you have learned your mind is a little less rigid and you’ll find it easier to release that hurt. You could also do a small ritual if that works for you. Write down on a piece of paper what you want to let go. Then place the paper in a burning candle and visualize releasing what you are holding on to as the paper burns. But, really, it doesn’t matter how you let it go. The important part is to let it go.

Remember it’s never to late to release something that is holding you back from being as happy as you can be in that moment.

Michael

Don Miguel Ruiz, a nagual, who teaches the knowledge of the ancient Toltecs, has a very good book called The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book. I’ve read about 3/4 of it and I have gotten a lot out of it. It’s a slightly different insight into the nature of love and hence the nature of relationships. (Relationships can be any kind; romantic, friendship, and etc.)

In the second chapter (p. 26) called The Loss of Innocence, Don Ruiz talks about how we as children do not have any definition of love as an abstract concept. He states, “We just live love. It’s the way we are.” But soon, we begin to play the game of adults. We learn fear. We accept injustice. We learn to accept a loss of freedom as normal.

Chapter 4 is titled The Track of Love, The Track of Fear. Some snippets from this chapter:

Love has no obligations, Fear is full of obligations.

Love has no expectations. Fear is full of expectations.

Love is based on respect. Fear doesn’t respect anything, including itself.

Love is ruthless; it doesn’t feel sorry for anyone, but it does have compassion. Fear is full of pity, it feels sorry for everyone.

Love is completely responsible. Fear avoids responsibility.

Love is always kind. Fear is always unkind.

Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions.

Other key points Don Miguel discusses are The Dream, The Perfect Relationship and Healing the Emotional Body.

Some of the concepts you have probably read or heard based on other traditions, but I liked the fresh simple approach that is taken with this most important subject. I don’t think we can hear these concepts too many times.

I’ll leave you with a quote from the book jacket summary.

When we master Love, we align with the Spirit of Life passing through us. We are no longer the body, or the mind, or the soul; we are Love. Then every action we take is an expression of Love, and Love in action can only produce happiness.