Michael

Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others. – Pennsylvania Dutch Proverb

Do you ever stop to wonder when you feel irritation towards someone else? Have you stopped to examine the fault that is bothering you and objectively looked inside to see if you posses the same “fault?”

Generally speaking, what bothers us the most in others is something that we unconsciously possess, judge ourselves harshly or don’t like about ourselves. Because we don’t like that aspect of our self, we are tuned into that issue with others. We see it clearly on the outside, but find it difficult to see on the inside.

It’s really important when we have a reaction to someone that we quickly begin to look at the exact issue that is causing us grief. Next, we should immediately and objectively (this can be the hard part) look inside ourselves and determine if we have the same fault or something close. Our reactions to others are almost never about the other person. It’s all about internal issues that we are not facing.

Don’t forget that sometimes a perceived fault of another person triggers something quite different inside also. For example, someone who is not conforming to rules may trigger a response if you are a controlling type person. Or maybe somebody does something that you don’t like but you don’t speak up for yourself. The anger may be about you not speaking up and nothing at all about the other person.

Dig deep, you’ll eventually find the reason why you are upset. It will not be the other person.

Michael

I was so in the present moment the past was no longer part of me. – Laurel Hoodwrit

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.  And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.  Right now. – Author Unknown

Many people constantly look back at their past and think or fret about “mistakes” they have made. If you have done this, I’m sure you have not felt very good. Most of us don’t enjoy looking at bad decisions we have made. We constantly think after the fact about how we could have done better.

At this time of year, more people reflect back over the negative events of the previous year before looking ahead to the future. My advice is too not look back at all. Don’t look back last year and don’t look back at any prior years.

All of the so called bad decisions, mistakes, mishandlings and etc. have created who you are in this very moment in time. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The reason we don’t need to nor should we review the past is simple. At any moment in time, in other words right now, we can choose to go in another direction or be something else. We always and I can’t stress this enough, always have the power to change what we are thinking right now. No one can take that away. Only us. Once we change what we are thinking then we can change who we are and where we are going.

So as this year winds down, take the time to concentrate on how you are feeling in this very moment. Ask yourself, “How can I feel a little bit better? Can I change or tweak my thoughts to get just a little bit more satisfaction?” Don’t look back and judge all of your decisions. They really are irrelevant. Focus on the now, the present moment, while keeping an eye towards where you want to go.

You can change your life now. You can’t change the past. So don’t focus on it.

Have a great day and a coming New Year!

Michael

Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don’t look back at it too long. Mistakes are life’s way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come. – Og Mandino

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. – William Durant

Do you cringe when you make a mistake? Do you feel like the world is judging your every move? Do you feel like you have to be perfect all the time? Do you accept mistakes in others but not yourself? Do you still remember the mistakes you made years ago? Do you have trouble forgiving yourself?

Guess what? There isn’t one person on this planet that doesn’t make mistakes, regularly and consistently. It’s one of the ways we learn. It’s how we gain experience and wisdom. Its how we figure out what we truly desire and what we feel passionate about.

If you aren’t making mistakes then you’re not living, or growing or learning. If you aren’t making mistakes then you aren’t taking risks. If you aren’t making mistakes then you’re not growing.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that “you can’t get it wrong.” It’s about being. It’s about doing. It’s about living. If you can learn to like and love yourself now, whoever and whatever you are, and then all of the mistakes you have made in the past are irrelevant.

In fact, I suggest that you go out and make some good mistakes. The lessons you’ll learn will be invaluable. As you learn those lessons, you’ll be guided to make more mistakes which will increase your experience even more. Some of your lessons will help others to make different mistakes than those you have made.

Michael

At many times in our lives we go through traumas, major crisis situations or just plain rough moments. Sometimes if the situation is exceptionally challenging, with a large dose of negative emotions, we tend to hold on to the bad feelings. We may not even know we have repressed those feelings, but they lurk under the surface and can subtly affect how we act and interact with the world around us.

Unfortunately, we may not even know this is happening. We may feel that the event or situation has passed and we came out the other side feeling good. But, if not faced directly and consciously, these small and unconscious memories sit in our mind hidden and active.

Today, I realized that I had been holding a negative memory from my high school years. High school was not a pleasant time for me. In fact, it was probably one of the worst periods in my entire life. My self-confidence and self esteem were at their lowest points. I never felt like I really fit in. Each day was a struggle. Graduating was one of the best moments as I felt like I had been freed from a prison.

So, those are my memories. But, they are not who I am at this time. I’m not the person I was back then. I believed that I had worked through all of those issues many years ago. So, I was quite surprised when these feelings of hurt, struggle and pain resurfaced today. They only lasted a few minutes, but I just sat through them, breathed deeply and observed from a different perspective.

It’s really good when repressed feelings like this surface. This gives you an opportunity to examine them and let them go. Holding on to these old memories and events takes energy that you may not know you are using. Once the emotion has been let go, you get the energy back. That’s one of the reasons why people feel better after a good cry.

If this happens to you, just let the process happen, breathe deeply, allow the emotion to move through you and then let it go. Don’t try to repress it again. You don’t need it anymore.

Have a great day!

Michael

We must travel in the direction of our fear. – John Berryman

Our greatest moments and our greatest growth come from facing our fears. If something you are about to do makes you uncomfortable, than you should make sure that you do it. It’s a signal from yourself letting you know what you need to work on.

I’m very familiar with fear since I didn’t face most of mine for the majority of my life. I know now that the other side of fear, when you get past it, is infinitely more desirable than staying in fear. But, we adapt so well to lower standards of living, that we tolerate being miserable. We forget what it is like to not be in anxiety. We accept this as “just the way it is.”

After living in fear for some time, we no more have a comparison to something better, something freer, something happier. So, subtly we acclimate. The longer we hold back working through a fear, the deeper we become entrenched.

Fortunately, this pattern can be changed at any moment. You have the power to decide when, where and how you will get break through. The first step is deciding to do it. Recognize the fear for what it is; an opportunity to grow and become more of who you really are.

Start small. Have friends to support you. Seek counseling if you need. Have faith that a better life is just around the corner. Travel in the direction of your fear and you travel in the direction of your ultimate happiness.

Have a great day!

Michael

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. – African Proverb

We have met the enemy, and he is us. – Walt Kelly

Many times we get in the way of ourselves. We over think. We contemplate too long. We put off making decisions. We avoid confrontation. We believe our fears are real. We don’t understand that we can change directions at any moment. We believe that external people or events are the reasons for why something isn’t working for ourselves.

We truly are the sole roadblock to our own happiness and a fulfilling life.

Here a few thoughts on activities you could do to help you gain control in your life and generate more happiness for yourself.

• Read inspirational stories about people that have overcome severe challenges
• Go to counseling
• Laugh more
• Work on overcoming fears
• Write in a journal everyday
• Participate in and complete something that makes you uncomfortable
• Learn a new skill
• Meditate
• Begin to cultivate a sense of hope
• Play with children. (They are great examples of how to quickly overcome anything that may bother them.)
• Get a pet
• Take a trip to some place you have never been
• Dance
• Don’t hold back your feelings. Talk about them and then let them go.
• Exercise
• Take up a hobby or start a new one if you have one already
• Reduce the amount of time you watch the news or just stop it for awhile. Listening to negative stories all the time has been shown to create stress and negative feelings.
• Volunteer in your community
• Read a book
• Garden
• Write a story. Subject – If there were no obstacles what would I be or do or become?
• Eat less sugar.
• Drink lots of water
• Get plenty of sleep.

Have a great day!

Michael

I’d like to follow on from yesterday’s post.

What story are you telling? In other words when you are discussing yourself with others, how are you describing your situation?

Is your story one of reflection on all the negative things that have made you what you are today? Is it one of details around all the problems you have experienced that have molded your personality? Is it a discussion on things people have done to you that you didn’t like? Is it a story about all the mistakes you have made? Is it a story about all your health problems or issues? Is it a story about how little money you have? Is it an endless discussion about all the bad relationships you have been in?

Or.

Is your story about the future? Is it rich with hope and faith in what is coming your way? Is it about what you will do with the extra money that is flooding your future? Is it about your perfect relationship? Is it about how you overcame an event in your past and that is one of the reasons you are such a great person today? Is your story about what it will feel like when you overcome some pain in your body? Is it about that wonderful new job just waiting for you around the corner?

Focusing on the past gets you nowhere. It generally makes you feel bad, limits your imagination, reduces your hope for the future and keeps you repeating all of the things you don’t like.

Focusing on the future brings hope into your life, broadens your perspective, increases your realm of possibilities and just makes you feel much better.

So, next time you are talking to someone, be aware of what story you are telling. If you notice that you are telling a story of the past and it is not a pleasant one, stop. Start telling a different story. One that makes you feel better. The difference in your life will be extraordinary.

Have a great day!

Michael

What do you do when you want or need to make a change? One of the best methods, I’ve found, is to use your imagination/creativity to visualize what you want.

For example, let’s say that you are looking to make a career change or at the very least make a job change. Ask yourself some or all of the following questions:

1. If there were no obstacles, what would my perfect job look like?
2. How much money do I want to make?
3. Do I want to travel?
4. How many hours per week do I want to work?
5. Do I want a position that is more strategic or do I like the tactical side of the business better?
6. Do I want a position that utilizes my creativity?
7. What kind of benefits do I desire?
8. Do I like to work within a group or alone?
9. Would I want to relocate? If so, where?
10. Are the values of the company important to me?
11. Are there new skills I need to develop?
12. What am I passionate about?

You can adopt these questions to anything you want to change. They can help to clarify your intention. Write all of your answers down. Place this document on your refrigerator, your PC, your desk, your bathroom mirror. Look at it every day. Think about them. Visualize them. Imagine what it would be like to have this change take place.

What you will find is that subtle things begin to happen? Your attitude shifts to a more positive perspective. Doors open that might have stayed closed. You meet people out of the blue that seem to be able to help you.

Life changing events can happen just because you exercised your imagination.

Have a great day!

Michael

Listening is an act of generosity. – Jenny Hill (?)

During a recent leadership course, the topic of listening was given an entire afternoon. This is a fundamental skill that is lacking in many leaders and relationships.

Most of us listen to determine when we can inject our thoughts and opinions into the conversation. The other time is spent thinking about what we want to say. Very little attention is given to the person that is speaking.

Active listening requires us to put our thoughts to the side and give our full attention to the one talking. The highest level of listening actively seeks a clear understanding of what someone is communicating.

True, sincere listening is about respect for another. It’s about giving someone the time to communicate and the conscious attention to receive their message. It’s the gift of generosity.

One of the highest compliments paid is “You’re a great listener.” Next time you are having a conversation with your child, sibling, parent, co-worker, boss or etc., stop and give them your full attention. Don’t talk except to clarify what they are saying. You may be surprised at the results. You’ll learn more about that person and their message plus you will be seen as a caring and generous individual.

Michael

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. – Abraham Joshua Heschel

Sometimes when changing behaviors or habits, the ability to say no to oneself is vital. But what we say yes to can be just as important. In fact when removing negative habits, if you don’t have something positive to fill the void created by removing the old habit, you may very well go back to what is familiar.

Don’t forget the importance of moderation. If a habit or behavior is too hard to stop completely, then moderation may be a technique that can work for you. If you drink six cups of coffee per day and you want to drink less, try reducing one cup at a time over a period of several weeks. Replace that cup with an herbal tea. If you don’t want to stop drinking coffee all together, try only drinking a couple of cups in the morning or mixing with decaffeinated coffee.

If you enjoy ice cream, try not to have it every day. Instead have one serving once a week or every three days. Gradual change may be much easier for your emotions to handle.

These examples all have to do with food, but really they will work for anything. For example, if you want to curb the amount of T.V. you watch or to stop smoking. It can go the other way also. If you want to do more of something, like exercise, try adding one exercise to your daily routine. When you get used to that, add another one.

Change can be palatable if we work with ourselves.

Have a great day!

Michael