Michael

At many times in our lives we go through traumas, major crisis situations or just plain rough moments. Sometimes if the situation is exceptionally challenging, with a large dose of negative emotions, we tend to hold on to the bad feelings. We may not even know we have repressed those feelings, but they lurk under the surface and can subtly affect how we act and interact with the world around us.

Unfortunately, we may not even know this is happening. We may feel that the event or situation has passed and we came out the other side feeling good. But, if not faced directly and consciously, these small and unconscious memories sit in our mind hidden and active.

Today, I realized that I had been holding a negative memory from my high school years. High school was not a pleasant time for me. In fact, it was probably one of the worst periods in my entire life. My self-confidence and self esteem were at their lowest points. I never felt like I really fit in. Each day was a struggle. Graduating was one of the best moments as I felt like I had been freed from a prison.

So, those are my memories. But, they are not who I am at this time. I’m not the person I was back then. I believed that I had worked through all of those issues many years ago. So, I was quite surprised when these feelings of hurt, struggle and pain resurfaced today. They only lasted a few minutes, but I just sat through them, breathed deeply and observed from a different perspective.

It’s really good when repressed feelings like this surface. This gives you an opportunity to examine them and let them go. Holding on to these old memories and events takes energy that you may not know you are using. Once the emotion has been let go, you get the energy back. That’s one of the reasons why people feel better after a good cry.

If this happens to you, just let the process happen, breathe deeply, allow the emotion to move through you and then let it go. Don’t try to repress it again. You don’t need it anymore.

Have a great day!

Michael

We must travel in the direction of our fear. - John Berryman

Our greatest moments and our greatest growth come from facing our fears. If something you are about to do makes you uncomfortable, than you should make sure that you do it. It’s a signal from yourself letting you know what you need to work on.

I’m very familiar with fear since I didn’t face most of mine for the majority of my life. I know now that the other side of fear, when you get past it, is infinitely more desirable than staying in fear. But, we adapt so well to lower standards of living, that we tolerate being miserable. We forget what it is like to not be in anxiety. We accept this as “just the way it is.”

After living in fear for some time, we no more have a comparison to something better, something freer, something happier. So, subtly we acclimate. The longer we hold back working through a fear, the deeper we become entrenched.

Fortunately, this pattern can be changed at any moment. You have the power to decide when, where and how you will get break through. The first step is deciding to do it. Recognize the fear for what it is; an opportunity to grow and become more of who you really are.

Start small. Have friends to support you. Seek counseling if you need. Have faith that a better life is just around the corner. Travel in the direction of your fear and you travel in the direction of your ultimate happiness.

Have a great day!

Michael

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. - African Proverb

We have met the enemy, and he is us. - Walt Kelly

Many times we get in the way of ourselves. We over think. We contemplate too long. We put off making decisions. We avoid confrontation. We believe our fears are real. We don’t understand that we can change directions at any moment. We believe that external people or events are the reasons for why something isn’t working for ourselves.

We truly are the sole roadblock to our own happiness and a fulfilling life.

Here a few thoughts on activities you could do to help you gain control in your life and generate more happiness for yourself.

• Read inspirational stories about people that have overcome severe challenges
• Go to counseling
• Laugh more
• Work on overcoming fears
• Write in a journal everyday
• Participate in and complete something that makes you uncomfortable
• Learn a new skill
• Meditate
• Begin to cultivate a sense of hope
• Play with children. (They are great examples of how to quickly overcome anything that may bother them.)
• Get a pet
• Take a trip to some place you have never been
• Dance
• Don’t hold back your feelings. Talk about them and then let them go.
• Exercise
• Take up a hobby or start a new one if you have one already
• Reduce the amount of time you watch the news or just stop it for awhile. Listening to negative stories all the time has been shown to create stress and negative feelings.
• Volunteer in your community
• Read a book
• Garden
• Write a story. Subject - If there were no obstacles what would I be or do or become?
• Eat less sugar.
• Drink lots of water
• Get plenty of sleep.

Have a great day!

Michael

I’d like to follow on from yesterday’s post.

What story are you telling? In other words when you are discussing yourself with others, how are you describing your situation?

Is your story one of reflection on all the negative things that have made you what you are today? Is it one of details around all the problems you have experienced that have molded your personality? Is it a discussion on things people have done to you that you didn’t like? Is it a story about all the mistakes you have made? Is it a story about all your health problems or issues? Is it a story about how little money you have? Is it an endless discussion about all the bad relationships you have been in?

Or.

Is your story about the future? Is it rich with hope and faith in what is coming your way? Is it about what you will do with the extra money that is flooding your future? Is it about your perfect relationship? Is it about how you overcame an event in your past and that is one of the reasons you are such a great person today? Is your story about what it will feel like when you overcome some pain in your body? Is it about that wonderful new job just waiting for you around the corner?

Focusing on the past gets you nowhere. It generally makes you feel bad, limits your imagination, reduces your hope for the future and keeps you repeating all of the things you don’t like.

Focusing on the future brings hope into your life, broadens your perspective, increases your realm of possibilities and just makes you feel much better.

So, next time you are talking to someone, be aware of what story you are telling. If you notice that you are telling a story of the past and it is not a pleasant one, stop. Start telling a different story. One that makes you feel better. The difference in your life will be extraordinary.

Have a great day!

Michael

What do you do when you want or need to make a change? One of the best methods, I’ve found, is to use your imagination/creativity to visualize what you want.

For example, let’s say that you are looking to make a career change or at the very least make a job change. Ask yourself some or all of the following questions:

1. If there were no obstacles, what would my perfect job look like?
2. How much money do I want to make?
3. Do I want to travel?
4. How many hours per week do I want to work?
5. Do I want a position that is more strategic or do I like the tactical side of the business better?
6. Do I want a position that utilizes my creativity?
7. What kind of benefits do I desire?
8. Do I like to work within a group or alone?
9. Would I want to relocate? If so, where?
10. Are the values of the company important to me?
11. Are there new skills I need to develop?
12. What am I passionate about?

You can adopt these questions to anything you want to change. They can help to clarify your intention. Write all of your answers down. Place this document on your refrigerator, your PC, your desk, your bathroom mirror. Look at it every day. Think about them. Visualize them. Imagine what it would be like to have this change take place.

What you will find is that subtle things begin to happen? Your attitude shifts to a more positive perspective. Doors open that might have stayed closed. You meet people out of the blue that seem to be able to help you.

Life changing events can happen just because you exercised your imagination.

Have a great day!

Michael

Listening is an act of generosity. - Jenny Hill (?)

During a recent leadership course, the topic of listening was given an entire afternoon. This is a fundamental skill that is lacking in many leaders and relationships.

Most of us listen to determine when we can inject our thoughts and opinions into the conversation. The other time is spent thinking about what we want to say. Very little attention is given to the person that is speaking.

Active listening requires us to put our thoughts to the side and give our full attention to the one talking. The highest level of listening actively seeks a clear understanding of what someone is communicating.

True, sincere listening is about respect for another. It’s about giving someone the time to communicate and the conscious attention to receive their message. It’s the gift of generosity.

One of the highest compliments paid is “You’re a great listener.” Next time you are having a conversation with your child, sibling, parent, co-worker, boss or etc., stop and give them your full attention. Don’t talk except to clarify what they are saying. You may be surprised at the results. You’ll learn more about that person and their message plus you will be seen as a caring and generous individual.

Michael

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. - Abraham Joshua Heschel

Sometimes when changing behaviors or habits, the ability to say no to oneself is vital. But what we say yes to can be just as important. In fact when removing negative habits, if you don’t have something positive to fill the void created by removing the old habit, you may very well go back to what is familiar.

Don’t forget the importance of moderation. If a habit or behavior is too hard to stop completely, then moderation may be a technique that can work for you. If you drink six cups of coffee per day and you want to drink less, try reducing one cup at a time over a period of several weeks. Replace that cup with an herbal tea. If you don’t want to stop drinking coffee all together, try only drinking a couple of cups in the morning or mixing with decaffeinated coffee.

If you enjoy ice cream, try not to have it every day. Instead have one serving once a week or every three days. Gradual change may be much easier for your emotions to handle.

These examples all have to do with food, but really they will work for anything. For example, if you want to curb the amount of T.V. you watch or to stop smoking. It can go the other way also. If you want to do more of something, like exercise, try adding one exercise to your daily routine. When you get used to that, add another one.

Change can be palatable if we work with ourselves.

Have a great day!

Michael

Chase down your passion like it’s the last bus of the night. - Glade Byron Addams

Follow your passion, and success will follow you. - Arthur Buddhold

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. - Harold Whitman

What’s your passion? What thing gets you going so deeply inside that you can barely contain yourself? Following your passion or passions will send your level of happiness soaring, will make you want to wake up in the morning and has the potential of helping to change the world.

I have two passions. One is photography and the other is travel. Like Harold Whitman states, I come alive when I’m doing anything related to photography. When I’m out taking photographs, time stands still for me. I absolutely love capturing a moment that will never repeat itself again. For me, that’s exciting stuff.

Travel brings out the explorer in me and helps to feed my insatiable curiosity for what can be found around the next corner. I also love meeting new cultures. I find that my perspective expands just from the simple action of visiting another state or country. When I combine photography with travel, I can barely contain myself.

When I’ve gone through periods where I didn’t follow my passions, my life felt empty and without meaning. My level of happiness dropped and my creativity lost momentum. I became someone less than themselves. It’s not a great feeling and I’ve learned to not let that happen anymore.

What’s your passion? If you’re not sure, start searching inside. There’s one somewhere in there. We all have at least one I believe. As soon as you start following your passion, your soul will sing.

Have a great day!

Michael

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. - Leo F. Buscaglia

Too often we care for others to the neglect or detriment of ourselves. Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t care or give to others. My point is that we need to do the same for ourselves.

I liken it to a savings account. Most financial experts say that you should pay yourself first (i.e. deposit into your savings account) and then pay your bills. Paying yourself first gives you a savings plus financial peace of mind over time.

When we care for ourselves, we are giving ourselves the ability, energy, creativity and wherewithal to assist, care and give to others. The more we pay ourselves, the more we’ll have for others. The more we pay ourselves, the happier we will be.

What are you going to do today to care for yourself?

Michael

What you quickly and easily release tells more about your character than what you hold. - Laura Teresa Marquez

Release and renewal are so intimately linked with living that one cannot imagine life without these vital processes. The more you hold on to something that you have outgrown, the more unhappy you will be, the more your life will stay the same for good or ill and your chances of feeling like a victim will dramatically increase.

When I look back, my biggest resistance to releasing old thought patterns, behaviors and beliefs was due to fear of the unknown. It was more comfortable staying in a miserable situation than it was to try something new. Because of that fear, I stayed in a job I hated for way too long. I stayed in relationships well past the point of growth and happiness.

I held on to false beliefs about myself that made my life miserable. I also experienced feelings that the world was out to get me. I found that negative beliefs about myself were the most challenging to change. I had to work much more on this than on other things; i.e. work, relationships, religious/spiritual beliefs and etc.

I don’t know of a magic bullet. I simply started at a place that didn’t feel too hard and moved forward one step at a time. Persistence, patience, and compassion for your self will be great tools in this most important personal challenge. Use the confidence you gain to give you the edge to move on to the next issue.

Before you know it, you’ll be a master at releasing the old and cultivating the new as you move consciously through your life. Your level of happiness will increase, your creativity will blossom and those nasty victim feelings will leave.

Have a great day!

Michael