Michael

It’s hard for some people to speak their minds, to get out what is bothering them, to communicate truthfully about deeply felt feelings. A lot of times it’s just fear; fear of confrontations, fear of rejection, fear of expression, and etc. We typically like to say that we aren’t speaking what’s on our mind because we don’t won’t to offend the other person. But, I suspect in 99.9999% of the time is not at all about the other person. It’s always about us.

When we don’t speak up and tell someone how we truly feel, it begins to eat at us. It saps our energy and consumes our thoughts. Frankly, it’s not healthy. Anytime we repress our emotions and don’t express how we feel, we are hurting ourselves. I know. I repressed my feelings for so many years that I got a stomach ulcer. It wasn’t fun. I don’t recommend it. That event did teach me a very important but hard lesson around expressing myself.

If you can’t seem to get over the fear of telling people what’s on your mind, speaking up for yourself and discussing your feelings with others, then get some help. There are a lot of good people out there that can assist you. This is one of those things that can be fixed with some help, practice and patience with yourself.

Give yourself the gift of expression.

Have a great day!

Michael

Some people procrastinate so much that all they can do is run around like firefighters all day — putting out fires that should not have gotten started in the first place. – Nido Qubein

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. – Don Marquis

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. – Cardinal Newman

One of the best lines I’ve heard was: “I’ll stop procrastinating tomorrow.” Not sure who said it, but it sure sums up the issue. I think procrastination is one of the main causes of low levels of happiness in our lives. When we procrastinate, we are ignoring what we want to do, what we need to face, what is making us fearful, things that may help us, our responsibilities, avoiding people that we need to confront and numerous other reasons.

Procrastination stops us from growing. It prevents us from learning from the experiences that enter our lives. That’s really a sad thing. Most of the time we never thing about what we may be missing, what experiences are being stunted and what new vistas we may gain by not procrastinating. That perspective is important when dealing with procrastination.

I haven’t really found an easy way to overcome procrastination. It’s something you need to pull yourself out of. Taking the first step is the hardest. For me, when I’ve been procrastinating, it can be extremely challenging to get out of that habit. Inertia can be hard to overcome. But, I’ve always found that by taking a step away from procrastination or in other words taking some part of the action that you are avoiding, brings almost immediate benefits. Relief is the first thing I feel because procrastination actually causes a systemic type of stress that can be hard to spot until after you have come out of the procrastination.

Think about something in your life that you are avoiding, something that you are not doing that needs to be done or someone you are refusing to confront and take that first step, however small. You’ll end up feeling better after getting through the initial difficulty. You’ll probably find that it wasn’t as bad as you had imagined.

Michael

Mountains DO Move. . . One Stone at a Time. – Rick Beneteau

Persistence and patience are such a great skills to cultivate. Most things become possible with persistence while patience helps to subdue the instant gratification syndrome. We all have the tendency to sometimes look at goals, desires or directions as impossible because we are only looking at the end result. The steps in between are blurred out because of our strong desire to get to the “end.”

If we could just relax, take a step back (not backwards) and try to visualize the ladder that connects the now with the future. Each rung is a step towards where we want to go. As we reach a step the next few come into view. Rung by rung we move forward on this ladder. In a very short amount of time, we have reached our desire goal.

The entire idea is that the traverse on the ladder is supposed to be fun. Like I’ve mentioned many times in the past, the journey is the important element of life. Reaching the goal is only a very small blip on the radar of your life. Additionally, most times our goals and desires are changing anyway.

So, if we can focus on the road as opposed to where we want to end up, then it’s a much more relaxing way to live. We have some great experiences. We are constantly learning. We meet new people. We do things that are fun. We go places we never dreamed.

Today, for a change, pick up the first stone. Move it over. Don’t look at the mountain. Maybe tomorrow you could move the next stone. There’s no right or wrong.

Michael

Thou hast only to follow the wall far enough and there will be a door in it. – Marguerite de Angeli

Many years ago, and I really mean many, I used to have this recurring dream several times a year. It was almost always the same scene. I would be walking through a very old forest. The scene would be something right out of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, where the trees are huge and seem older than everything else. Lichen and moss covered boulders peek out of the underbrush. The path twists and turns along the forest floor. Not much light comes through because of the dense canopy. The tree trunks and roots are gnarled and knotted with age.

Typically I would walk leisurely for quite some time. Eventually, I would come to a huge stone barrier over 20 feet high which stretched out as far as I could see, both left and right. You could tell the stones were old and had been perfectly knitted together without mortar. They were placed so exactly that you could barely discern a crack. In a practical sense, this meant there was nothing to hold on to. There was no visible way to climb over. I had no way to move forward.

During subsequent dreams over the years, I always came to this barrier. It’s funny, but every time I woke from these dreams I had a very strong sense the dream represented my inability to get past a certain “something” in my life. It was representative of my own internal barriers preventing my personal progress. At the time, I never ventured to the left or right of the stone barrier. I always stopped and contemplated the mossy, slick looking stones.

Years later, the dream changed slightly. I turned to the left and walked along the barrier. In a very short amount of time, I stumbled upon a wooden door set in the stone barrier. It had always been there, but I had not chosen to look for it. I had always stopped at the barrier in slight despair. With high anticipation, I opened the door and walked through. It was as if the world had exponentially expanded. The sense of relief was almost overwhelming.

After I opened the door and walked through, I never had this series of dreams again. What’s interesting is that at the time of the door opening dream, I had made significant changes in my personal life that opened up worlds of opportunity for me. The dreams were reflecting my waking reality.

Moral of the story: The door is there. We just need to venture a little further to find it.

Have a great day!

Michael

You find exactly what you are looking for. – Michael Thornton

The majority of the time we find exactly what we are looking for, but the issue arises when it’s not what we wanted or desired. Obviously, I’m not talking about lost keys or things like that.

The problem is that what we are looking for is sometimes unconscious. Our negative feelings, beliefs, fears, worries are all mixed in with the positive aspects of our lives. So, what comes out is not always what we expect. This manifests into missed opportunities, the same “bad” relationships repeated over and over, and things just not going the way we want.

What do we need to do? It’s really straightforward. We must find a way to reduce the amount and frequency of negative feelings. It’s not really important what we do here or how we do it. We could distract ourselves by doing something else. We could train our minds to learn how to pivot out of negative thinking. We could begin to openly and consciously work on our underlying fears, worries and anxieties. We could learn to not repress negative feelings. It’s always better to face what you are feeling head on and deal with it immediately.

When we do this, it begins to change how we react to the world around us, how people view us and gives us back the control in our lives that was missing in the first place. For example, we stop attracting people that put us in “bad” relationships. We are able to see and respond to opportunities for better jobs and increased finances. As our outlook changes, our hope for an even better future increases. We become more relaxed with the present moment. In other words, we start enjoying life more.

Finally, we start to find what we are really looking for. Of course, this is different for all of us. Bottom line, excitement and zest for life returns. Who knows what will happen then.

Michael

The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. – Theodore Rubin

Are having problems a problem? In a word, NO. We’re taught from an early age that problems aren’t good. Somehow they are viewed as negative.

For every problem you work through and experience, you grow a little. The cumulative effect determines who you are as a person. You’ve heard the old adage; problems in our lives are nothing more than opportunities for growth. It’s been said so much that most people, including me, tend to ignore this statement.

The bottom line is that how we respond to problems not only speaks of who we are but who we can become. It’s the contrast that gives us a nudge to move in a new direction or out of an old one. It’s the ingredient to increased creativity or feelings of despair. It’s the catalyst for change or the excuse for a mediocre life.

The good thing is that it is always our choice. We can decide to react or delve into solutions. We can moan or become excited at what we now see clearly. We can love this “opportunity” or we shy away from personal growth.

Try and look at problems differently. It just might be the edge you have been looking for.

Have a great day!

Michael

I don’t think change is stressful. I think failure is stressful. – Bob Stearns

I don’t think Bob Stearns is talking about big failures. Those only happen every now and then. I think it’s the little failures that are the key. It’s the ones that we perceive to be failures. From another perspective it may not seem to be a failure, but from our own view, it’s not good.

We collect these small failures over time. The culmination causes an emotional load. We translate that into stress. Our level of happiness decreases. Our self-esteem drops. Guilt builds up. Guess what? Our stress increases even more.

It’s important to learn to let go of our small failures. Look at them as learning opportunities instead. Yes, that is easier said than done sometimes, but it works. Vigilance is paramount. Each time we let ourselves stay emotionally attached to a failure, we lose a little bit of our control. We tie up our emotional energy into something that isn’t doing us any good. We feel drained and less creative in addition to the stress.

So, look at it this way. Each time you release your attachment to past failures you free up a little bit more energy that you can use for something else. It’s like being plugged into an extra generator. You’ll feel better overall since stress makes us feel down in almost every aspect.

Like everything else, now is the best time to start.

Have a great day!

Michael

Anxiety is the gap between the now and the later. – Fritz Perls

I thought a lot about this short but powerful quote. I never actually looked at anxiety that way, but the more I contemplate it the more I see how perfect it is for a definition of anxiety.

So, it’s the uncomfortable feeling we get when we want to move to some more desirable future but we aren’t there yet. We aren’t enjoying the present moment and we haven’t reached the better future we imagine or desire. That conflict creates anxiety.

If you can shift your focus to the present and then work on your emotional state, you then have an opportunity to eliminate the anxiety. It’s hard for some to focus on the present because that is where we perceive that things are not going the way we want. But, the only way to change is to be focused right where the uncomfortable moments are coming from. Remember all change happens in the present, nowhere else.

Once you are sitting in the present, you can start to consciously look at what is going on. Can you turn your thoughts to something that is more fun, less negative or slightly better than you are presently thinking? Can you figure out a way to instill a little bit of hope? Can you distract yourself for a little while by doing something that makes you feel better?

The key is learning to be conscious of what is going on in your present moment. Next, learn to first accept it and then start to focus on something slightly better. Get out of the past and future since you have no power there. Think about the future only as a reference place of where you want to go, not as a place for you to stay long.

Your power to change is right now.

Michael

Keep in mind that you are always saying ‘no’ to something. If it isn’t to the apparent, urgent things in your life, it is probably to the most fundamental, highly important things. Even when the urgent is good, the good can keep you from your best; keep you from your unique contribution, if you let it. – Stephen Covey

What are you saying ‘No’ to? Is it something you need? Is it something important to your emotional health and well-being? Is it to work? A relationship?

Sometimes what we are saying no to is actually something that is good or best for us. There are many reasons why, but a lot of times it’s unconscious. It could be fears, anxiety, guilt, low self-esteem and a host of other negative emotions.

It’s important to question ourselves when we say no. Are we consciously or unconsciously preventing ourselves from growing or moving forward? The more we dig into the motivations for why we do or don’t do things, the better we we’ll become at making sure we are going down the path we desire.

Continual self-reflection can seem daunting at first, but really it’s how we are built mentally. It may take some practice like anything else and really doesn’t take up a lot of time. It’s more of a continual awareness. There isn’t much action required.

As you practice this internal awareness, your life will begin to move in directions you want. You’ll feel more in control. Your life will start to feel more fulfilled. Best of all, you’ll experience more moments of happiness.

Have a great day!

Michael

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. - Henry David Thoreau

At the point of being lost, we gain a strong impetus to understand ourselves. We really have two options here. One is to stay lost and not feeling our best. The second, more desirable option, is to start to learn about ourselves, our desires, our needs, our hidden beliefs and our unconscious motivations.

First, recognize that you need a change. Second, start to instill the belief that you are worth the effort you are about to give yourself. Third, try to put your fears aside for a moment and start looking for someone to help you. Fourth, get to work.

Remember that when making big changes in yourself, it’s always much easier to do it in small bits. Take your time. The key to success here is to be patient with yourself. There is no need to rush. The only requirement is to move slowly out of where you have been lost.

You can do it. Just set your goal no further than the next step in front of you.

Michael