Michael

To understand is not only to pardon, but in the end to love. – Walter Lippmann

Why can it be so hard to come to an understanding with someone else? People struggle with understanding everyday. In many instances our egos and pride get in the way. Other times it may simply be our fear of something different than us.

The basic act of stepping back and putting ourselves in someone’s shoes can help. Try having a conversation with someone while practicing openness to new things. Cultivate a fascination and interest to different points of view. Dont’ take things personally when someone has a difference in opinion. What other techniques can you think of?

I believe a majority of problems in the world could be solved with understanding. I don’t propose that understanding means that you have to believe or accept what the other one is saying. We can have different beliefs and opinions without the need for struggle or the need to force someone else to conform to our ways.

Celebrate the world’s diversity while noticing the many similarities between all of us.

Have a great day.

Michael

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around us in awareness.” – Leland Val Vandewall

Most of my life has been spent learning the lessons stated so eloquently in the quote above. My past was painful and full of mistakes. My future was a black hole and a complete unknown which caused a lot of fear. I barely had any awareness of my present as I was constantly thinking about either the past or the future.

These habits were difficult to break, but not impossible. I’ve written previously about my epiphany a few years ago. During that moment my past became irrelevant and the pain and struggle was released. I had begun to work on my fear of the future several years before. I didn’t do anything special except take risks when I couldn’t be sure of the outcome. As I became comfortable with that, I took more risks and added in doing things that made me uncomfortable. For example, I did more presentations at work, went to parties where I didn’t know anyone and went on trips without having an itinerary. Gradually I lost the need to know the future which led to dealing with unexpected events with little or no anxiety.

Focusing on the present and being completely aware of what is happening around me at any given moment is something I have to practice everyday. It’s not my natural inclination. Some of the techniques I use are to listen to someone completely without thinking about what I want to say next, try to use all of my senses one by one to experience what is going on around me, meditate, take a walk while focusing on just the physical movement, playing the guitar and cooking a complicated meal.

These are simple guidelines and techniques. I recommend experimenting and find what works for you.

Michael

As the community developed from the shared travel mishaps on March 16th and 17th, many people began to talk to each other. Obviously, a very common question was “what do you do?” I had some interesting conversations with a gentleman from New Hampshire. He had traveled all over the world averaging 120,000 miles/year in his consulting business.

We talked a lot about where we had traveled. I was quite intrigued to learn that he had traveled to 77 countries. That was exactly 7 times more than me, so I was completely fascinated and asked a lot of questions. As my friends can attest to, I can be quite curious and don’t mind asking tons of questions.

I have a personal goal of visiting 100 countries before I die. Since I’ve only been to 11 so far, I’m working on ways to get to more. This gentleman had a lot of good tips for places to go. But I was mostly interested in the perspective that he had gained by visiting and meeting all of these different cultures.

Our world is full of richness and diversity. I would like to experience as much as I possibly can as I learn something from most people I meet.

I experienced the following lessons on this trip:

1. You never know what’s inside someone until you talk with them.
2. It doesn’t take much to develop a community.
3. Friends can appear out of nowhere.
4. Most people want to have fun regardless of their circumstance.
5. My patience has increased over the years.
6. It’s becoming easier for me to “go with the flow.”
7. Don’t let someone else’s “baggage” be an excuse to be unhappy.

I can’t wait for the next adventure. It’s probably just around the corner.

Have a great day!

Michael

Flying back on Lufthansa from London last week, I witnessed in the space of 5 minutes an example of poor customer service and great customer service with a dose of caring thrown in. One of the flight attendants was handing out the customs declaration forms to be filled in before landing. The form you received depended on your resident status in the U.S.

I watched as an elderly gentleman (non U.S. resident) attempted to ask some questions of the flight attendant. She was clearly disgusted for some unknown reason. He tried to ask again and she just pointed to another flight attendant, basically saying “get away from me”. I was shocked at the blatant disregard for this gentleman.

He went to the other flight attendant who immediately and without question begin to help him with the forms. She spent several minutes with the gentleman, carefully explaining how to fill out the custom declarations. A little bit later, she returned to ask him how he was doing. This flight attendant showed genuine caring in her body language, speech and attentiveness. See Flo’s post on caring.

It seems to me that it takes much less energy to give great customer service and in the process genuine caring for another human being. Treat all others like you want to be treated. You’ll feel better and so will the other person. The effort is small and the reward is priceless.

Michael

I finally arrived home, 46 hours after leaving London Heathrow airport on Friday, March 16th. I wrote about the first part of that saga yesterday. At that time I had no idea how today would play out in this adventure I was wrapped up in. The snow fell thick and heavy during the night. There were two foot snow drifts up against my hotel window when I woke up this morning.

Since my return was so full of craziness and adventure, I’ve summed up the events below:

March 16th

• Woke up at 3:00 a.m. in London on March 16th.
• Travel to Heathrow. No traffic at 4:00 a.m. in the morning.
• Relatively easy check-in with Lufthansa.
• Arrived in Frankfurt around 8:30 a.m.
• The 747 developed a fuel leak before we board. Flight delay of 2 hours.
• Left Frankfurt around 12:30 p.m.
• Toddler began screaming right before take-off and continues to scream for almost 7 hours. The flight to Boston was 7 1/2 hours.
• 60 miles out from Boston, we started flying in a holding pattern due to the snow fall at Logan. Total time = 45 minutes.
• We began our approach to land and at 1800 feet elevation, the captain aborts the landing due to a low breaking coefficient on the runway (e.g. ice and snow).
• We circle north and west of Boston for 45 minutes. As we began the approach again, the captain got the call that Logan is closed.
• Toddler was still screaming.
• Someone made a decision to fly us to Bangor, Maine where we land around 6:00 p.m.
• We waited on the tarmac for about an hour. The plan was to fly back to Boston as soon as possible. Unfortunately the weather keeps Logan closed.
• Still sitting on the tarmac, we learned that the crew cannot fly anymore due to the fact that they have reached their flying limit for the day.
• We were told that a fresh crew will be flown up from Boston. The plan was to fly back to Boston in the evening.
• The captain informed us that the fresh crew cannot leave Boston because of the weather. 350 of us had already figured that out.
• The toddler screams some more.
• We exit the plane at 8:30 p.m. and sat in a holding area for one hour so that the one baggage worker can unload our 747 in the snow storm.
• At 9:30 we got through customs, grabbed our backs and fought each other (not really) to get on the bus to take us to the hotel.
• I walked in the snow about a block to a convenience store to grab snacks for dinner.
• Sleep overtook me at 11:30, some 24 hours since I woke up in London.

March 17th

• Leisure morning while on hold for 1 1/4 hours to find out when our plane will fly to Boston.
• ETA was 4:00 p.m.
• Got to the airport at 12:30 p.m. and checked in. New time for flight to Boston was 2:30. Excitement was in the air.
• Grabbed some lunch and stood in the security line for 30 minutes.
• We were now back in our holding area from last night where we got to wait until 2:35. Apparently a 2:30 take-off was optimistic.
• The toddler began screaming again
• Everyone rushed to get on the plane
• We sit for quite some time. Finally the captain gets on and tells us how the baggage handlers don’t have experience loading a 747 and are taking longer than usual.
• 3 (Three) hours later the last piece of luggage was loaded.
• Toddler screams for about 2 hours during this time.
• Next step was de-icing. The engines were shut off and the crew (2 people) began spraying the hot chemical on the wings.
• It took them 40 minutes to de-ice the plane because 1 of the 2 de-icing machines broke.
• The temperature continues to climb to sauna levels which puts everyone on edge and makes the toddler scream some more.
• Finally we take off and land about 7:00 p.m.
• Our luggage literally dribbles out of the carosel because of a jam.
• It took an hour for me to get my luggage. It was now 8:00 p.m.
• The toddler stopped crying.
• I drove home and arrived about 9:30 p.m.
• The entire adventure had taken 46 hours since I left London the previous day.

I would say that 98% of the time, I was quite calm and took everything in stride. It made the whole affair much easier to deal with. Several things fascinated me about this entire event. #1- The majority of the people were in really good spirits. They accepted the adventure and just went with the flow. #2 – As I mentioned yesterday, a wonderful camaraderie developed that “glued” everyone together. #3 – The flight attendants were fantastic. This could have been a really stressful occasion for them. #4 – Everyone tried to help each other either by talking or giving a hand with the luggage.

But most importantly, as we were waiting for our luggage, lots of people were talking to each other as new friendships had been formed. Business cards and contact information were being shared. People were actually saying what a great adventure they’d had. I’d never seen anything quite like it. I really enjoyed watching the interactions unfold. The people on this flight will be telling the stories of their adventure for quite some time.

It’s good to be home though.

Michael

Flying back from Frankfurt turned into quite an adventure. The first problem was that our 747 encountered a technical malfunction before take off. Translation – technical malfunction means jet fuel leaking out of the plane.

We waited two hours for another 747 from Los Angeles to land. Luggage and passengers were safely moved to the new plane. After a 7 ½ hour flight we neared Boston only to be told that there was snowy weather, so we flew in a holding pattern for 30 minutes while ground crews cleared the runway.

The pilot began the approach to land. Around 1800 foot elevation, the captain aborted the landing with the engines gunning hard. Quite an interesting experience! The captain put us in another holding pattern as the ground crews tried to clear the runway of snow and put down a chemical to increase the braking coefficient, which was too low on the first attempt.

After flying in circles for another 45 minutes, Boston airport officially shut down and we were directed to Bangor, Maine. The airport is small there except for the exceptionally long runway on the adjoining Air Force base. Several other flights were directed here as Boston was still closed. We were to wait on the plane until we could fly back to Boston.

Unfortunately, the flight crew was informed that they had reached their flying limit for a 24 hour period. So, the plan was for us to wait on the tarmac until they could fly a fresh crew up from Boston to pilot the 747. The new crew never arrived as Boston Logan Airport never re-opened.

We sat on the plane for another hour and then we were herded into a large waiting room in the Bangor Airport to wait for our luggage to be unloaded. That took 45 minutes. Next was a quick run through customs, then find our luggage and get on a bus to the Fairfield Inn. I had reserved a room three hours early. Overall I had been up for 25 hours and 5 minutes. It felt like 26 hours!

I kept my spirits up by laughing at the entire situation. It was a much better choice then what others were making, but generally most people on the flight were upbeat which was great. A kind of camaraderie happened since we were all sharing the saga, which is good since we felt like we had been packed into a can of sardines.

Our friends are those who know their own faults well enough to forgive us ours. – Moulton Farnham

I met my good friend Rebecca for lunch today very close to Trafalgar Square (e.g. Nelson’s Column, The National Gallery, etc.). It always seems to work out perfectly when we want to get together. I had an errand to do near Bond Street Station and she was riding her bike around London. We quickly set up a time that worked out perfectly for both of us.

I find that our conversations generally get right to whatever issues we need to voice and share. We have a lot of trust with each other and that’s what separates this kind of friendship from casual acquaintances. I’m fortunate to have five friends of this caliber and I feel gifted to know each of them.

After lunch, we walked to Watkins Books as we both felt drawn there. Events and timing were perfect to allow Rebecca to do something that had been on her mind. It was great to watch the synchronicity unfold.

I’m rich and blessed because of the close friends I have and I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I hadn’t have met them. I look forward to many more years of their company.

Michael

One of my areas of struggle is when I’m feeling sick or really run down. I know that I should just take it easy, relax and rest. But I really resist the idea of not doing something/anything outside, especially when it is gorgeous day. I want to do so many things plus my mind is working overtime which translates to me feeling anxious. Of course that makes it difficult for my body to rest.

I’m not feeling well today; very run down with a scratchy throat. I’m in London where there is a million things to do and I’m sitting in a hotel room trying to rest. I know it’s the best thing for my body, but my mind is rejecting that concept.

I compromised. I went out to the pharmacy to pick up something to deal with the symptoms. I enjoyed the sunshine, blue skies and cool air (Yes, sunny in London. Go figure). But I didn’t stay out long.

So, I’m back in my room, writing down my thoughts about this struggle. It does help. I believe I can relax the rest of the day. Sometimes with struggles, just voicing the issue is enough to help settle us down. Talking to someone or writing have similar results for me.

Michael

The moment will arrive when you are comfortable with who you are, and what you are–bald or old or fat or poor, successful or struggling–when you don’t feel the need to apologize for anything or to deny anything. To be comfortable in your own skin is the beginning of strength. – Charles Handy

How are comfortable are you with yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you wonder what other people think about you? Can you say that wherever you are, you are being who you really are?

Please read my posts from the last few days as I’ve been discussing ways to change your negative thoughts in order to change your beliefs.

Six or seven years ago, I woke up one day and had a realization that I was comfortable with and actually liked who I was. This was quite a digression from the previous decades. I didn’t like myself very much at all. Life was quite a struggle. What followed was a major life epiphany which completely changed me from that point forward. If I was okay with who I was now, then all my past ”mistakes” and errors in judgment were immediately and irrevocably irrelevant. ALL of my experiences had made me who I was at that moment and if liked who I was now, I had to be okay with my past. A heavy, massive weight was lifted off my shoulders.

My point was that using the techniques I mention in this blog, I was able to slowly chip away at my low self-confidence and lack of self-esteem. I wasn’t in too much of a rush, so I just found one character trait I wanted to modify. Once I felt good with that one, I moved on to the next one.

Those little moments of consciously modifying my thoughts over time allowed me to have my major life epiphany. Am I done yet? No, but it’s much easier now. And I’m having much more fun with life.

Here’s to being comfortable in your own skin and the beginning of your own strength!

Michael

Some things have to be believed to be seen. – Ralph Hodgson

Following along with the theme of yesterday’s post, What Do You Think About?, the quote above takes our thoughts to the next step. Fundamentally and simply, beliefs are thoughts that we keep thinking over and over again. Beliefs can be vastly different even between people with the same cultural, religious or socio-economic background.

A great example is the person that believes that they are overweight. Now, as you can imagine, this belief has been developed over time, but others may view that person as having a perfectly “normal” weight. Neither the person who believes they are overweight nor the person who sees their weight as a non-issue can understand each other.

I think that our beliefs greatly influence what we “see” in the world. ”What we believe” is the window that we view and translate the world we see into what we must see. As you begin to modify or pivot your thoughts to a less negative declaration, your beliefs will change over time.  It will be a natural outcome of thinking different thoughts for a period of time.

A great exercise is to take a belief you hold and write down all of your thoughts that support that belief. If are you dealing with a belief that causes you pain, you will clearly see what thoughts could be modified to start the process of consciously transforming your belief to better match who you really are now.

Michael