Michael

How many times have you heard the following or something like them?

• That’s what happens when you get older.
• Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
• You’ll see. When you get older, you’ll have all kinds of physical problems.
• When you get older your mind doesn’t work as well. You’ll have problems with your memory.
• It’s too late in your life to go back to school.
• You should slow down when you get older.
• You can’t change careers that late in life.
• It’s harder to meet that special someone as you get older.

And on and on and on. I’m so tired of hearing this kind of negative talk. These kinds of statements plant seeds of doubt, fear and instill a sense that you become a handicap or liability as you get older. I think it is totally false. So, I’ve refused to believe them anymore. In fact, if someone says anything to that effect, I’ll either ask them to stop, leave the room, or I’ll stop listening.

Don’t set artificial barriers to your happiness or sense of fulfillment just because society has said so. You’re never too old to try anything. Go meet some new people, join a club, travel, climb a mountain, go backpacking, learn to draw, take a speech class, make a movie, go swing at the park, read a book, learn to cook Thai food, start a blog, take a ballroom dancing class, learn to play a musical instrument, go get another college degree, take a yoga class, learn a martial art, learn to speak another language, build a webpage, or any of a million other ideas. You are only limited by your imagination.

The key is just start. Try it on for size. If you don’t like it or it doesn’t work for you, No Big Deal. Move on to something else. The worst thing we can do for ourselves is to become stagnant.

So, what are you going to do today that’s new? Remember, you’re never too old!

Michael

Snow. I’m endlessly fascinated by it. I like to play in it. I love to leisurely look at photos of snow in mountains, forests, cities and etc. I never seem to tire of it. I generally hear people complain about it, but that never stops my childlike curiosity and utter delight I feel when it snows. I also get a deep sense of soul connection and I’m not sure why. It doesn’t really matter as long as it makes me smile.

Maybe I love the snow because I was raised in the South where it doesn’t snow that much. But, I don’t think so. Snow justs seems to bring out the child in me. You know, the continual sense of wonder and excitement that all children possess. As adults we have been trained to stop all of that silliness. But, I’ve been training and practicing to re-connect with the child in me. Snow helps a lot.

Last week in the northeast, we received a lot of snow and ice. It was brutally cold, but I made excuses to go outside so I could hear the crunch of icy snow under my shoes and pick it up to feel it’s consistency. I actually couldn’t wait to brush the snow off my car. It may sound funny to you, but it really made my day. I constantly looked out my window to see the snow falling and watch in slowly piling up in the most unusual ways as the wind created drifts in unlikely places.

What gives you simple and utter delight? What brings out the child in you? What makes your heart sing? Once you answer, why don’t you go out and experience them through the eyes of a child.

Enjoy!

Michael

Are you consistently looking for things to control in your world? Do you find it easier to control things and people than to manage what is going on internally? Do you find that things have to be just so and no other way is acceptable? Do you have the belief that it is your way or the highway? I can say that this was how I operated for most of my life. I tried to control everything around me; family, work, friends, events, and etc., because I felt completely out of control inside.

I was constantly frustrated by the fact that everything seemed to resist my need and desire for control. How incredibly annoying! It was my world, so why shouldn’t everything bend to the way I wanted it. The more I tried to control everything, the more frustrated I became and therefore the more I tried to control. The cycle was spiraling downwards and out of control. My family was not happy. I was not happy. In fact I was miserable, but I didn’t really know what to do.

In the late eighties, I was given a gift in the form of a mentor/counselor/friend/philosopher/spiritual teacher who literally helped me to transform my life. This was the beginning of who I am today. I slowly started to gain control over my life without having to control others. The struggle was always inside, so that was where I focused my attention with the help of this gift of a person.

I started releasing control with my daughter first, allowing her to be what she was at any given time without me trying to direct her. I was now in more of a parenting role of guidance not dictation. I then began to practice these techniques at work. Instead of telling my staff how to do something, I simply told them what needed to be done. It was up to them to figure out how.

Don’t underestimate what I was attempting to do. It took me years of practice and a tremendous amount of faith to get through my unquenchable need for control. Over time, I became more focused on me, not more narcissistic, but less worried about what others were doing. I can say the work was highly worth it.

I like to describe what it feels like now by using the analogy of being in the center of a tornado. The world is swirling around me while chaos abounds, but inside I feel centered and not affected by what is going on external to me. My level of happiness and relaxation has dramatically increased. Of course, I still find my moments when I need to control something or someone. Internally, I quietly step back and ask myself why. This helps to give me perspective and calms my need for control. And still after all these years, I will attempt to wield control and I then struggle with it until I realize what I’m doing. I use my strong dry sense of humor to get through those times!

What do you try to control in the external world? What items can you start to relax your control on? Have you asked yourself why you need to control? As you consciously work on this, be gentle with yourself, laugh at your antics and be patient. You’ve worked hard to be controlling so it may take some time to release that strong need. But, it’s never too late.

I believe you can do it. Do you?

Michael

I just watched the movie Pay it Forward for the second time. I really like the message from the movie, which is that anyone can change the world with a personal act of generosity, help, kindness and etc. given to three people. These three people, instead of paying it back to the person who helped them, must pay it forward to three other people. As you can see, it multiples very quickly; 1, 3, 9, 27, 81, 243, etc.

Catherine Ryan Hyde wrote the fiction book, Pay It Forward. In September 2000, she created the Pay It Forward Foundation. The primary mission of the foundation, according to the website, “is to educate and inspire students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so.”

One of the key concepts of the “pay it forward” idea is to do something that is really hard for you. That makes the giving significant and of tremendous value. Additionally, it’s not about you, it’s about the other person. Of course, when the person you’ve helped asks what they can do for you, it’s time to explain the “pay it forward” ideal.

Who can you pay it forward to?

I would love to hear any stories about this concept being practiced.

Have a great day!

Michael

What are you passionate about? What is something that brings your excitement level to a point that it can barely be contained? (Though why would you, right?) Your passions should make you so happy while doing them that you grin ear to ear. They should be fun, challenging, interesting, exciting and keep you so engaged that you loose track of time.

My passion is photography. When I go out to shoot some photographs, my excitement level is so high that it literally puts me in an altered state of consciousness. Sound strange? Well, it might be, but I love it so much that it doesn’t really mater what other people think. When I am out on a photo adventure, I sometimes spend hours and take a couple of hundred photos. I get some good ones and I get some bad ones. It just doesn’t matter.

The key is that I feel fulfilled when I take photographs. So, why do I go through periods of time (sometimes short and others long) where I don’t shoot any photographs. My excuse is that I’m too busy. Have you used that one before? I’m too busy with life and all of its associated tasks that I can’t feed my soul. That’s what happens when you fulfill you passions; your soul is nourished. This is such an important key to feeling happy, content, vital and alive. Don’t let “life” stop you from exercising your passions. Because, really life is all about passion.

Again, I ask, what is your passion? Is it art, golf, running, photography, playing a musical instrument, comedy, a hobby, gardening, dancing, blogging, bird watching, surfing, hiking, travel, fishing, snow skiing, martial arts, or any of a million other choices.

You know your passion. Get out there, fulfill your passion and feed your soul.

Have a wonderful day!

Michael

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away. – Arthur Helps

Kind words. How often do you hear them? How often do you give them? It’s such a simple concept that takes almost no time and costs nothing, but how often do we practice this? It’s a good question. And I think it depends on whether we are giving kind words to ourselves or others. Of course, both of these are intimately related.

For the majority of my life, I have to admit that I didn’t give kind words to myself very often. Most of the time the words were harsh, critical and demeaning for the simple fact that I didn’t really like who I was. So, why would I freely give kind words to myself? I know for a fact, because of the lack of internal kind words, I didn’t have the capability or conscious awareness to give kind words to others. Don’t get me wrong, I did say nice things to others during this time, but I really question how many opportunities I missed to spread a kind word or two here and there. I’ll never know, but I’m passed the point of blaming myself for that behavior. Once I realized it, all I could do or had the responsibility for was to act differently from that point forward.

Continuing with my theme from yesterday’s post, change starts with you. So, if you are not use to giving kind words to yourself, try it. Look at yourself in the mirror and say something nice. Make it simple. Maybe you like your eyes or your smile. You might like your sense of humor. Pick something about yourself and say a kind word or two. Do this everyday. When you get used to that, do it more than once a day. After a period of time (difficult to say how long), you will notice a significant change. You will feel better overall, your happiness level will be consistently higher, you will have less mood swings and your perspective will open up.

At this point, giving a kind word to a stranger will be easy and almost second nature. You will enjoy seeing how that carefully placed positive word or compliment will make someone’s day. In fact, try this out on your family members first. As you give kind words, people will also begin to notice that you obviously think kindly of yourself. That will be the biggest lesson for others.

Be kind today.

Michael

To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right. – Confucius

If you didn’t think you could have an effect on the world, then this quote from Confucius should change your mind. Confucius’s quote is a fundamental belief of mine; that before we can change the world, we must change ourselves. The simple act of putting ourselves in order, changes everything around us. Sometimes I think it is easier to work on the external problems than work on our own internal struggles. It seems we can see more clearly the path to a solution when it doesn’t involve our own issues.

All through history are many examples of people who have changed themselves, put their own house in order and affected the world dramatically; Gandhi, Jesus and Buddha are a few of the big ones. But there are millions more who are not known by history, but are known very well by the people who benefited from their example. I’m sure you know someone that fits this profile.

If you really believe in helping the world, then look inside yourself. What emotional struggle have you been avoiding? What fear has caused you to not be who you truly are? What belief system has prevented you from having an open mind? Is there something you have wanted to tell someone but haven’t? Have you made excuses for not doing something fun for yourself?

Find these seemingly little things and start tweaking them into something more positive. Learn the lessons you are trying to teach yourself. And then watch the world change.

Michael

If you’re looking at things with the right set of eyes, people are endlessly fascinating. And then, of course, if you look at it the wrong way, then the whole world is horrible and tedious and boring. That’s the battle, really, to keep looking at the world in the right way. – John Cusack, Actor

The right set of eyes really boils down to our perspective which has been crafted and honed over our lifetime. Everyone has their own viewpoint when they look at the world. We have built our own windows for translating what we see into something that makes sense to our perspective. This becomes a phenomenon when eye witnesses describe an event. The stories can be wildly different. Have you ever tried to arbitrate a dispute between two people whose idea of what happened seemed completely opposite. How can this be? Because each of their life’s learned perspectives gives them different filters when viewing not only the outer world but when viewing what makes them tick internally as well.

Great negotiators have the ability to see from different perspectives, which is a critical trait when trying to build compromise between parties that are attempting to find mutual understanding. Most people tend to stick to a very rigid view of the world and cannot see how others think or comprehend differently than they do.

I can be a fairly judgmental person, but over time I have been able to soften that “skill”. I really work hard to put myself in other’s shoes, to see how they might think. I’m successful sometimes but others I’m not. So, for the ones that I can’t see, I work on accepting their point of view. Trust me, that can be hard. I generally like things to be black and white, right and wrong, one way or the other, but in reality life and people are not so easily stereotyped. Because they each have unique perspectives based on their unique life.

How do you look at the world? Is it a rich and diverse place with an unlimited number of possibilities? Or is it full of dangers, disease and tragedy? Is it a fascinating world home to immensely unique individuals all trying to live and prosper in their own way? Or is it a place full of terrorists, catastrophes, and downright evil? Is the world full of hope or full of despair?

Take a hard look at how you view the world around you. Ask yourself, what can I try to view differently. Why might that person see things in that particular way? You may be surprised that your perspective begins to shift or go in a slightly different direction. Try for broader not narrower. Broader is more accepting, more forgiving. Narrow is much more rigid, unbending and uncomprimising.

Enjoy your shift in perspective,

Michael

I wrote this poem while flying from Frankfurt to Boston today.

Snow Sounds

Softly falling
Swirling down
Quietly blanketing
All things exposed.

Whiteness envelops,
Surrounds and absorbs
All colors
Transformed.

Inner voice connects
With outer beauty
Inward and outward realities
By silence bridged.

The sound of snow
Soft, deep, timeless
The world’s cacophony
Now muted

My soul
At
Peace

Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too. – Thomas Fuller

Simple, but elegantly truthful quote! It is fundamental belief of mine that you attract people in your life as a direct result of how you view yourself. If you can’t think of yourself in these terms, think about friends or acquaintances you know.

• Do you know someone who doesn’t tell the truth? Do they seem to have “friends” that lie to them?
• Do you know anyone that is generally angry all the time? Do they seem to attract events or people that make them even angrier?
• Do you know people that are in an abusive relationship? Do they have extremely low self-esteem?
• Do you know anyone that has a very optimistic outlook on life? Do they seem to be overly lucky or attract great relationships?

You may say that the happy person is happy because they are lucky. Or that the angry person is angry because of the situations that are occurring in their lives. Or that the abused person has low self-esteem because of the abuse.

But the reality (in the opinion of many great thinkers, sages and philosophers) is that the thought comes first and the event or action follows. It is a fundamental law that operates without fail exactly the same for everyone. When we start changing what we are thinking, we start changing what happens around us. I know if you spend a little time thinking about this, you will recognize clear instances in your own life that correlates with this law.

So, if you want to have great friends, first be a great friend to yourself. This means to accept your negative qualities and celebrate your positive ones. You’ll find that once you accept your negative qualities those qualities began to transform. It’s quite amazing. These qualities cannot change without first being accepted. Quite the paradox, do you agree? It took me years to fully realize this, but it is true. I have proof in my own life.

I’ll leave you today with this Native American quote.

One foe is too many and a hundred friends are too few. – Native American Proverb

Michael