Michael

Do you hear your inner voice? It is the most quiet of all the voices we hear in our head. It’s the first thing you hear when you need to make a decision, but if you don’t listen it can quickly be drowned out by other thoughts and justifications.

Your inner voice speaks the truth; your truth. Many believe this is your soul talking to you. Regardless of your belief, your inner voice is the most important voice to listen to you as it is speaking from your heart. Our inner voice is the pure part of our being. It is the real “us” unbound from our negative beliefs, experiences and perspectives that tend to misguide us at times.

Sometimes we argue with our inner voice as we believe we know better. See Rebekita’s post on Following the Heart. Even when what our inner voice is saying feels “right”, we still try to go off in a different direction. Our mind and ego gets in the way of what is good for us. Our inner voice is the one guiding us to Go With the Flow. It really is the voice that can be trusted.

How you can you start to listen more to your inner voice? I have used the following suggestions for several years. You may come up with others. Please share what ways you use to listen to your inner voice.

• Ask yourself an important question (maybe a decision you have to make). What is the first thing that comes to my mind? That is your inner voice.
• Meditate. Meditating will, over time, help to reduce the extraneous voices that mask your inner voice.
• Play the game I discuss in Going with Flow – Part 2. Try the first three ideas especially.
• Do something that just feels “right” to you, even though your mind may be telling you something else.

If you aren’t use to listening to the quiet voice inside, give yourself some time to practice. It’s just like anything else. The more you practice, the better you’ll get at it. So, be patient as that attribute will also help you in the pursuit of your inner voice.

Have a great day!

Michael

Pleasing others can be one of the most difficult endeavors we do as humans, especially when we combine that with not pleasing ourselves. Do you struggle with this hard to break behavior? As one who used to practice this activity on a daily basis, I can empathize.

When you think it about it, it’s really impossible to “please others” because ultimately every individual is solely responsible for their own feeling of well-being. No one else can cause you to feel bad nor can anyone do enough to make you feel exactly the way you want to feel. Depending on others to feel better will generally get you in trouble as those people may not be around all the time.

Why do you want to please others? Is it because you want to get their attention? Do you want someone to like you more or not be mad at you? Are you fearful for some reason and feel that pleasing others will help prevent something bad from happening to you? Are you uncomfortable with confrontation? What other reasons can you think of?

The one that I used often was that I didn’t like someone being mad at me. I felt terrible and always thought that whoever was mad at me meant that the relationship was going to end. Of course, now I know that was completely wrong and downright silly. I also hated confrontation to the point that I would do almost anything to avoid it. Placating and pleasing people were great diversions.

If you strive to please people with no regard for yourself, I strongly suggest getting some professional help. As the reasons could be varied, complex and deep, a professional could really do some good for you. If, on the other hand, you occasionally do this, start examining the reasons why. Are there certain situations that seem to bring out this behavior more than other times? What are you feeling at those moments? In other words, start investigating the conditions, situations and feelings that you are experiencing during the times you feel the need to please others. Try talking about it with a close friend. Vocalize what is going on internally.

I wish you good fortune in your pursuit of releasing your need to please others.

Michael

Leaving London yesterday to head back home was a series of extended wait times combined with multiple opportunities to exercise my patience. It started off with a long one hour drive from my London Hotel to Heathrow. The choices I had were to just relax on the ride or start to get worked up.

After a quick check-in, I then had to wait in the security line which was several blocks long. My patience again received an excellent workout. Next, after getting a much needed double tall non-fat latte, I was able to wait for about 90 minutes until my plane was ready to board. More dipping into the patience bucket. I was hoping it didn’t run out.

After boarding the plane, another 45 minutes was spent waiting for the plane to take off. And then the longest wait of all; almost 8 hours to the Washington Dulles airport. I was able to keep myself busy on the plane; music, movies, reading, writing, walking around, eating and then I repeated all of those steps two more times.

We arrived in Dulles right after a major winter storm had ripped through causing massive air traffic delays and cancellations up and down the east coast. Can you guess? Yep, I had to wait in line (not too long) to find out that my flight to Rhode Island was cancelled. I look around and see several hundred people standing in line to get flights for Monday also. I walk up to the counter and the agent says she can get me on stand-by at 8:16 a.m. on Monday morning. I breathe and quickly accept.

I called for hotel reservations and had to wait for another 30 or 40 minutes for the shuttle. Bonus: I did get to stand in the snow for little while. After checking in at the Marriott, I waited for room service. After eating a light meal, I was ready for bed. Now for the funny part, the least amount of waiting was the 5 hours I got to sleep before getting up early so that I could be at the airport for 5:30 a.m. The agent insisted I get in that early even though my flight was at 8:16 a.m. You know what I’m going to say next. My flight was delayed over an hour. I spent that time eating two breakfasts and designing the entire framework for a new website I’ve been wanting to create.

The point to this long story is that I could have had an absolutely miserable time just like I saw so many people having during that long endless trip over two days. But, I’m a firm believer that wherever you are is where you are supposed to be. So, I very rarely get upset for delays, missed connections and late appointments. I used the time to do something else; explore a new retail shop, chat with a fellow traveler, read a new book, write or work on a photography project for example.

Now, after all this, I arrived at exactly the same time in Rhode Island as my business partner Nat, his wife and daughter. They had been flying from California since Saturday and had experienced 36 hours of delays. What a pleasant surprise at the end of a very long journey to see a very good friend and his family!

Make the most of the time you have. It’s your choice to have fun with what life throws at you. Remember, your attitude is the only thing you really have control over.

Michael

My original plan for the weekend in London was to spend some time with friends. Something came up for them and they had to leave town. So, I was left to figure out what to do by myself.

Years ago, I would have been bothered by this. In fact, I would have actually been angry that “my” plans changed. I liked and thrived on having agendas, plans and actions that did not deviate at all from the original.

Over the last few years, I’ve made significant progress in relaxing around how I interact with the ever changing world around me. It really has to do with the concept of Going with the Flow. My attitude towards my friends after they explained their new plans was simply; “It must be the right thing for them to do.” I did not take it personally and saw it as an opportunity for me to create an adventure.

On Saturday, I jumped on the tube (subway) and headed to Leicester Square. As I mentioned in Part 2 of Going with Flow, I started walking in the first direction that came to mind. I didn’t think about it. In summary, my day consisted of:

• Finding and walking around several unique books stores
• A very interesting 30 minute conversation with a Swami
• A brief conversation with the owner of an antique art and engraving shop (she was a “nutter” to quote a U.K. phrase)
• Fantastic cappuccinos and lattes
• Lovely spicy italian pizza (thin crust)
• Loads of people watching
• Wandering around Covent Garden market
• Visit to the seven story Waterstone bookstore in Piccadilly Circus
• Several photo opportunities 
• Some good exercise (several miles of walking)

Of course everything turned out perfectly because I had an open attitude and didn’t focus on not spending time with my friends.

Next time your plans change, try out a new attitude for size. Believe that this is exactly how things should be and then “go with the flow.”

Have a great adventure!

Michael

London is the home of a dizzying mix of cultures, politics, religions and belief systems. Even more fascinating is that this eclectic group of individuals lives, works and plays together quite well.

I think the rest of the world could learn something from this unlikely “experiment” of openness and tolerance. Of course it’s not perfect, but it comes close.

One of my favorite things to do in London is to sit in areas where lots of people congregate and just watch the diversity of people. In a matter of minutes you can see people from dozens of different countries and all continents, some of them tourists and others residents. Everyone just seems to be having fun and not really worried about where the other person comes from or what religion they might be.

London is a great lesson for all us to practice more patience, understanding, tolerance and instill a desire to learn more about our fellow humans. We are blessed to live in such a rich, diverse world.

Go out and experience some of it. Practice tolerance. Be an example of understanding. Have some fun.

Have a wonderful day!

Michael

Appreciate people. Nothing gives more joy than appreciation. – Ruth Smeltzer

How often do you give appreciation to others? How often to you receive appreciation? I bet, like most people, you really enjoy having someone give you a compliment or appreciate something you have done.

Appreciation works its best magic when given sincerely. Insincere words can be spotted a mile away. So, only give kind words of appreciation when you really mean it. It’s vital and key to making someone feel wonderful.

I also sincerely believe that the more you appreciate yourself, the more you can appreciate others and to close the circle, the more you will be appreciated.

Who can you give words of appreciation? Start with yourself, family, friends and strangers. No one should be left out of your list. I’m going to strive to give one compliment or words of appreciation to someone every day. You’ll be amazed at how you can immediately change someone’s outlook and you’ll never know how your efforts are affecting the world in positive ways. Positive action begets positive action and tends to spread out in ways we can’t imagine.

So, do your part. Appreciate yourself. Appreciate others. Make the world a little bit better.

Michael

Sitting in the Brussels airport today, I was reflecting on how hard people can be on themselves. Life can be challenging enough, without the inner critic we all seem to engage in on a regular basis. The reasons or excuses we use to justify this behavior are as varied as the people that come up with them. But, really, it usually boils down to one thing; we don’t like ourselves in some fashion or another.

Do you sometimes talk negatively to yourself? For example:

• I’m so stupid.
• I can’t believe I did that.
• I’m an idiot.
• I always make the wrong choice.
• I never seem to get it.
• I don’t like my (fill in a body part).
• I constantly make mistakes.
• I can’t talk to people.

I’m sure you can think of many others. But the point is we ALL make mistakes ALL the time. It’s not the end of the world. It’s part of growing, learning and experiencing life. We learn much more from our mistakes than things we did “right”.

So, next time you give yourself a hard time for a mistake you did, just say, “So what.” And then simply change directions and go the way you want to go. That’s a much better way of learning and changing than beating yourself up.

Remember, Be Easy on Yourself. You’ll be glad you did.

Have a wonderful day, relax and be easy, okay?

Michael

I’m was in Brussels, Belgium today and went to a nice Thai restaurant called the Blue Elephant with four co-workers, two of which I had never met. Sometimes these situations can be a tad awkward if you don’t know the people, but that didn’t happen. I believe it had to do with one thing; laughter.

Now, each person at the dinner table had a different cultural background; American, British, French, Belgian and Polish. In fact, we have wildly different backgrounds, upbringing, culture, world perspectives and belief systems. But, we all had one thing in common and that was laughter. We laughed a lot about nothing and everything. It was contagious. Sometimes you don’t even have to know the reason why someone is laughing and it will still make you laugh.

Laughter (after the smile) is so cross cultural that it endlessly fascinates me. No matter where you go in the world, laughter means just about the same thing. There are even many jokes that easily cross cultural boundaries.

What does that say about the human experience? Is laughter such a fundamental/essential human expression that we even start it as babies? I think laughter is not only a universal expression but also a universal need.

Laughter has tremendous effects on human physiology. Just do a Google search on “effects of laughter on human physiology” or something just as scientific sounding. You’ll find tens of thousands of hits. Laughter releases endorphins (natural painkillers), increases the number of killer cells that attack viruses and tumor cells, increases the immune function by the elevation of T-Cells, increase the antibodies IgA and IgB (both fight upper respiratory infections), increases heart activity and etc.

Think about how laughter eases tense situations, helps negotiations toward compromise and relaxes people under stress. Laughter is the glue that binds us all together in the human experience and at the same time elevates ourselves beyond our limitations.

What can you do? Find things that make you laugh more. See if you can get people to laugh without having any specific thing to laugh about. Fake your laugh until someone else laughs. Read humorous stories. Tell and listen to jokes. Watch funny shows. Watch children play. They laugh the best, do you agree? Learn to laugh like they do if you don’t already.

Remember, laughter is contagious. You could change someone’s day for the better or have yours changed by a simple bout of laughter.

Michael

Last night in London, I was able to have dinner with my good friend Rebecca. We went to a restaurant called the Union Cafe which is only a few blocks from Bond Street Station. Once we corrected an “ordering mistake” on our part, the reminder of the dinner was lovely.

But, really the actual dinner only had a small part to play in the evening. Our conversation was the highlight. Our talks and chats are always stimulating and invigorating. Don’t you find that with good friends? Sometimes when we talk, time seems to stand still. It feels like we always have enough time to say what either of us needs to share no matter how much time we actually have.

Invariably, we seem to meet at the most opportune time. We both have numerous examples of this over the several years we have known each other.

Tonight, Rebecca needed to talk. I needed to listen. It worked out perfectly. Our relationship is such that we can freely share intimate details of our lives that we wouldn’t typically share with others. It’s all about trust which was built around tremendous personal growth and changes that both of us shared together while I lived near London a few years ago.

We met in synchronistic circumstances (some use the term coincidence) on a plane traveling to Boston in 2002. Our relationship started off magically and we have been very close friends since. I think of her as family; my European family in fact.

I seem to grow just a little bit faster when we have our talks as they are always quite direct, honest and consciousness elevating. 

Friends like these are gifts and should be cherished, as they are priceless. Cultivate these relationships and you will always be wealthy.

To great friends.

Michael

For me, special places are where your heart sings, you get a lump in your throat, your soul becomes peaceful and your mind becomes quiet. Everyone has a special place or two; a favorite park, a tree, a certain seashore, restaurant, etc. It doesn’t matter where the place it is. The point is that it affects you on so many levels that you are changed each time you go.

Yosemite National Park is my special place. I absolutely love the entire park, but there is one place that changes me every time I go. There are basically three ways to drive into the park; the northern, middle and southern route. California Hwy 120 is the northern road and the route I frequently take to enter Yosemite.

As I drive the winding roads through forests of Ponderosa Pine, Western Juniper and Jeffrey Pine, my anticipation level steadily increases as my car climbs elevation. I’ve been here so many times that I almost know every curve in the road, every granite rock outcropping and where the spectacular views can be found. The air is crisp up here above 6000 feet. The aromas of conifers touch the senses.

Very near the opening to Yosemite Valley, turning your head west as you drive, gives a view of an open area that dramatically drops off to the right. You can barely get a sense that a river is up ahead and has been working for thousands of years snaking its way through the granite. I’m very close now to my special place and my excitement level is off the scale.

Up ahead, the road turns to the left and immediately on the right is a scenic vista point with a parking area. This is the first moment you can see the valley from Hwy 120. No words make it from my mind to my vocal cords. I walk down the slight embankment towards the valley and then turn slightly to the right and in seconds I cannot see the parking lot at all.

I continue to slowly inch my way down. It becomes steeper with each step I take. I climb down a very sharp drop off. I’ve reached my special place; a small ledge that overlooks the Merced River rushing through the valley almost 2000 feet below me. All I can hear is the river and the wind. No cars. No other people around.

My mind is still. My heart has slowed down. My breath is barely noticeable while my eyes follow the river east up the valley towards El Capitan and Half Dome. I’m like a battery that needs re-charging. This special place gives me a charge that lasts for months. It’s like having years of therapy crammed into 30 minutes. I feel rejuvenated and my belief that all things are possible is renewed. I usually stay for about 30 minutes or so before I begin the long winding drive down to the valley floor.

I do thoroughly enjoy every trip to Yosemite, but that 30 minutes on the ledge changes me, renews me and makes me whole again.

Michael