Michael

The events of January 19th put me in deep thought. I started looking at my life overall and evaluating if I was going in the direction I desired and doing everything I wanted to do. My first response was that I could make some significant adjustments and quickly proceed to a more desirable place. We all get “stuck” in our daily lives. Habits become little rituals that keep us in ruts which constrain us from branching out and trying different directions. We start to focus and react more to what is happening around us and not keeping our future desires in our conscious minds while we enjoy the present moment.

I don’t want to have any unanswered questions when I get older. I want to know whether the answer was a yes or no. I want to try different things regardless of the outcome. I don’t want to be saying, “Well, I wonder what would have happened if I had done this or that?” I would much rather say, “Well, I tried that. It wasn’t for me. Or I tried that and WOW how it changed my life forever.” Isn’t that a much better place to be?

I have a list called A Hundred Things I Want to do Before I Die. For the first time in 2 or 3 years, I pulled out the list, made some updates, checked off things I had done, added some new ones and basically began to re-focus on working on completing the items I desire to do before I die. I’m not going to wait another 2 or 3 years to review this list. It will be a monthly occurrence now. No more excuses.

I also began to think about all my relationships; not just romantic, but friends, work, family, acquaintances and etc. What things do I want to say to these people that I have previously left unsaid? I don’t want “things left unsaid” to be one of those regrets when I get older. So, I will begin now on working to clear up those items and not holding back from this point forward.

It’s so easy to start working on the things like the examples I’ve listed above once a traumatic event occurs in our lives. I’m not waiting for the next trauma or crisis to get “me” active in my life again. I ask that you think about what you can do to be active your life. Do you want to miss out on something because you need an external event to get “you” engaged in your own life? How about starting today for the simple reason that you can? Doesn’t it feel better to make changes in your life in a conscious manner instead of being forced to? It feels better for me.

I’ll keep posting on how all this is going while I live my life day by day.

Michael 

Around 8:45 a.m. on Jan. 19th, I was traveling north on I95 towards Providence, RI. I was driving in the lane second from the left on a four lane road. I looked down the road and saw headlights of an approaching car coming directly towards me the wrong way on the interstate. I do a lot of hiking with a GPS, so I’m fairly certain the oncoming car was approximately a quarter of a mile away. I also noticed that the car was traveling at high speeds. I’m estimating over 70 mph due to the fact that this car was passing others on the south bound side of the interstate.

I quickly moved over to the adjacent right lane. Almost immediately the car swerved hard and was now in my lane heading straight for me. I then moved back over to the adjacent left lane as there was no space for me on the right. Again, the car swerved and was in my lane. At this point, the car was a little over two car lengths in front of me. I wasn’t sure where to go as the car seemed to follow my every move. I decided to wait until the last moment to get out of the way.

So, I slammed on my brakes. The back of my Camry seemed to lift up and I began to fishtail. I glanced quickly in my mirror and saw all the cars behind me screeching and fishtailing also. At this point the car coming the wrong way slammed on it’s brakes and fishtailed so dramatically that the car was now oriented perpendicular to me and straddling two lanes. I was about to hit square between the driver’s door and back door of the oncoming car. I made a decision to try and jump into the right lane, but I had no time to look and see if a car was there. I swerved hard while I was still pressing my brakes into the ground. I immediately heard screeching, heard a bump on my right and saw a white car swerving to get out of my way.

The oncoming car missed me by less than half a foot. As the car’s taillights went by my window, they were so close I could have reached out and touched them. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that car spinning down the road and hitting a couple of other cars behind me.

It took a moment to understand what was happening initially, i.e. headlights coming at me on the wrong side of the road. I felt that I had a lot of time to think about what was going on and make multiple decisions, but based on how fast they and I were traveling, the events outlined above could not have taken more than 2 – 4 seconds. I was traveling about 60 mph and as I mentioned earlier, I estimate the other car was going around 70 mph or more.

I slowly moved over to the right lane and followed the car I bumped until we could safely pull over and talk.

I got out and said to the guy, “Can you believe what just happened?”

He asks, “Was that car going the wrong way down the interstate?”

I said, “Yes and he was going at high speeds.” We began to look at our cars. We found no nicks, bumps, scratches, dings or scraped paint. The only thing we found was a slightly loose mirror on the guy’s car. Mine had no damage whatsoever.

I told the guy, “Listen, I’m just glad I’m still alive. Take my card and I’ll gladly pay to fix your mirror.”

He said, “No. Have a happy New Year.” He gets in his car and drives away. Unbelievable!

I called the Rhode Island State Police to report what had happened, but fortunately they had already arrested the suspect.

When I replay the incident back in my head, one crucial point continues to stand out. At the moment I tried to move over to the right lane and bumped that car, one image is burned in my mind. I was not far enough over on the right not to get hit. In fact, my view straight ahead was about even or slightly behind the back tire of the oncoming car, which at this point was about 10 feet away. I don’t know how I missed the car. Did it straighten out in that microsecond before impact or was it a miracle? Did the car somehow pass right through mine? I believe a miracle happened.

I must say that in my world view or belief system, things that seem impossible to others are quite possible for me. I have seen too many inexplicable things in my life. So, I have over the years come to a belief that all things are possible. And, frankly, I continue to experience the impossible.

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss what this incident has made me think and ponder for the last 48 hours.

Michael

I’ve been thinking a lot today about how we hold on to so many things; stuff around our house, old emotional hurts, relationships, bad habits, negative behaviors, old useless beliefs and etc. Most of the time we do this well beyond the point of reason. Letting go can be very hard. But it is vitally important for strong positive emotional growth. When we cling to things that have gone past their useful lifetime, we hold ourselves back from progressing to a more mature or evolved state of being. We also tend to use up a lot of our energy holding ourselves to things we should let go. It can be a really freeing experience to release or let go of something that has been holding us back.

My weakest area has been in relationships. In the past, I have found them very hard to let go. But, recently I’ve made significant progress in that area of my life. I now move on much quicker and regain my state of happiness faster than in the past. I now view each relationship as a stepping stone and not the one and only relationship. I learn what I need to learn. I have no ill will towards the person. I remember the good times. I believe that another person will come along better than the last.

When you learn to let go of things that should be let go, you’ll find that your state of happiness will instantly increase. Which will increase your chances that your next experience will be that much better. Letting go will allow your life experiences to become increasingly more enjoyable and fulfilling. And of course that will again increase your level of happiness and this positive cycle can then repeat over and over again.

So, pick something you need to let go. Maybe a small emotional hurt from the past. Take a look and see what you have learned. By looking at what you have learned your mind is a little less rigid and you’ll find it easier to release that hurt. You could also do a small ritual if that works for you. Write down on a piece of paper what you want to let go. Then place the paper in a burning candle and visualize releasing what you are holding on to as the paper burns. But, really, it doesn’t matter how you let it go. The important part is to let it go.

Remember it’s never to late to release something that is holding you back from being as happy as you can be in that moment.

Michael

Patience. We never seem to have enough. We find it hard to develop. We consider it a virtue and we can’t stand it when someone else is impatient. Isn’t that strange? I find it quite humorous.

Don’t misunderstand me. I have worked on this most of my adult life and have found it quite a struggle to gain more patience. I think a number of things have helped me start to increase my ability to have patience. The following list is in no particular order or importance. These are just some of the practices and concepts I’ve used to increase my patience.

1. Meditation
2. Learning to be more focused in the present moment
3. Developing the belief that everything happens in it’s own time
4. Learning to decrease my expectations of the external world
5. Working on being okay with where I am at any moment
6. Focusing on the journey and not the goal

I still have to consciously work on patience just about everyday. My hope is that if I continue these practices my patience will increase even more over time. If not, I’ll just continue to work it day by day. I still have triggers that seem to suck out any patience I may have stored up.

For example: poor drivers, being ignored in a retail outlet, relationships, stupid decisions at work, traffic (sometimes) and just wanting to get somewhere I am traveling. I’m sure there are others, but you get the picture.

What are your triggers for impatience? Write them down. Become aware of them. Start figuring out ways to overcome them. Maybe try some of my ideas or come up with your own. If you work on it this, you’ll find your anxiety decreasing and your happiness increasing.

The quote for the day:

Patience is a bitter plant that produces sweet fruit. – Charles Swindoll

Michael

I have found that when people get on their journey, they sometimes come to the belief that their journey is the right one or only one for other people as well. So, they not only tell people but start to insist that this is the only way. Sadly, some of the people they talk to believe this and change their journey to match.

It is vitally important to remember that our individual journeys are for us and us only. Everyone has their own journey. We should not in any fashion persuade or force others to follow something that is not their own. We sometimes do this unconsciously for the simple reason that we are getting such great results in our lives that we want to share with others. The enthusiasm of success can easily turn into a persuasion to change.

The best thing we can do for anyone is to show by example that following our journey is possible. This works great for children as they quickly learn by example. Once someone understands that the possibility exists, you can them assist them in finding their own way.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

Follow your bliss. – Joseph Campbell

Michael

Do you find yourself focused so much on obtaining a particular goal or getting to a destination that everything else becomes irrelevant? We live in a society where getting from A to B is more important than what takes place on the journey from here to there. It can be almost obsessive for some people. The majority of us seem to place more importance on crossing off tasks on a to-do list than enjoying doing the task.

I really believe life is not about this. It’s about enjoying what you are doing in the very moment you are doing it. It’s about being completely focused on the present moment using 100% of your concentration. Maybe if we relaxed a bit, we could enjoy that long drive and not be fretting over where we were going. We might notice what a beautiful day surrounded us. We might have a sensational conversation with a good friend. Maybe we would notice little things in the world around us that would have been invisible while we were only concentrating on obtaining our goal.

I’m suggesting to start enjoying your life that happens between A and B. You’ll find that your experience will be richer, less anxious, more rewarding and happier. You’ll be amazed at how your perspective changes overall. You may even find that your life slows down even though you are accomplishing everything you need to do or did in the past.

Hope your day was great!

Michael

I’m sure everyone has heard of the benefits of meditation. Here are a few links if you are interested:

1. Benefits of Meditation
2. Meditation – Benefits of Meditation @ ABC-of-Yoga (This article actually lists increased happiness as one of the benefits)
3. Psychology Today – The Benefits of Meditation
4. Benefits of Meditation (another link that discusses inner joy or happiness)

There are literally thousands of more links to peruse. I recommend reading some if you do not really know about meditation. But, I digress a little. I actually would like to discuss another benefit of meditation which helps in your pursuit of happiness.

When you meditate, a great benefit is that it eventually decreases or stills the thoughts in your mind. When your mind is still and clear, you don’t produce any negative thoughts. This is much easier to do than focusing on stopping negative thoughts. That technique does not work. It only increases your attention on them. That’s why it is better to focus on something positive to actually turn your mind away from negativity. But, a regular practice of meditation will help to decrease the frequency of negative thoughts and eventually increase your state of happiness.

Here is a very simple but effective meditation technique:

1. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for 15 or 20 minutes.
2. Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet on the ground and your arms relaxed, either on your legs or the arms of the chair.
3. Close your eyes.
4. Simply watch your breath go in and go out.
5. You will notice, especially if you haven’t meditated regularly, that your mind will be flooded with thoughts. Some will distract you from watching your breath.
6. When you realize you have been distracted, simply and without force, re-focus on your breath. No need to judge yourself. It’s part of the practice.
7. Initially meditate for about 15 minutes, gradually increasing to 20. You can start once a day and work your way up to twice a day.
8. Don’t lay down as the purpose of this exercise is to be relaxed and aware but not unconscious.

Over a period of time, you will be amazed at the inner transformation that occurs. Just like any other practice, give yourself a few weeks or months to get into the habit.

Have a great day!

Michael

Have you every noticed that whatever you focus on seems to come your way, regardless of whether it is positive or negative? Let’s try some examples. Think about some of your relationships (friends, romantic, work, etc.). There are always some things that you enjoy or find positive about them and other things that are negative or you don’t like. When you tend to focus or think about the negative aspects have you found that they seem to be more apparent to you? Visa versa, have you noticed when you focus on the positive qualities, that they seem to be the most prominent things you notice?

How about this one? You have a belief that most people are bad drivers. Do you find a lot of those “bad” drivers while you are out in your car? Hmmmm. What about issues with your parents? I bet that is fertile ground. Do you have a teenager or a child that really knows how to push your buttons?

I would like you to try something different for a change. In that relationship, try focusing on the things that you enjoy about that person. While driving, think about all of the people like you are who are striving to be safe drivers. What things do you appreciate about your parents? Whatever it is, find some positive qualities about someone or a situation you have been having problems with. Focus on those aspects and not the negative ones.

Try this approach for a few days or weeks and see what kinds of changes happen in your life.

Michael

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.
– German Proverb

I received this quote in an email today and really thought it was a fitting example of how tweaking our attitude can completely change our perspective. Think about it. I believe if one is in a less than positive mood (e.g. grumpy, angry, etc.) and handled the rosebush, complaints of the thorns would abound. But, work with the rosebush in a very positive state (e.g. happiness, joy, etc.) we would be much more inclined to notice the beautiful roses and I bet that we would less likely to be pricked by the thorns. Even if we were pricked, I think we would quickly get over it while in a positive state.

I find that attitude is a quality that has to be constantly monitored. As we are continually bombarded with changing circumstances, situations, people and environment it is important to adjust our attitude. If you can do this, you will find that your day is much brighter, less “things” affect you and you will end the day on a positive note. Remember that based on our history, we all have triggers that tend to pull our attitude down strictly by habit. Initially these may be harder to monitor until you become more aware. But be persistent, it will pay off in no time.

I’ll leave you with a humorous quote today.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
– Herm Albright

Don Miguel Ruiz, a nagual, who teaches the knowledge of the ancient Toltecs, has a very good book called The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book. I’ve read about 3/4 of it and I have gotten a lot out of it. It’s a slightly different insight into the nature of love and hence the nature of relationships. (Relationships can be any kind; romantic, friendship, and etc.)

In the second chapter (p. 26) called The Loss of Innocence, Don Ruiz talks about how we as children do not have any definition of love as an abstract concept. He states, “We just live love. It’s the way we are.” But soon, we begin to play the game of adults. We learn fear. We accept injustice. We learn to accept a loss of freedom as normal.

Chapter 4 is titled The Track of Love, The Track of Fear. Some snippets from this chapter:

Love has no obligations, Fear is full of obligations.

Love has no expectations. Fear is full of expectations.

Love is based on respect. Fear doesn’t respect anything, including itself.

Love is ruthless; it doesn’t feel sorry for anyone, but it does have compassion. Fear is full of pity, it feels sorry for everyone.

Love is completely responsible. Fear avoids responsibility.

Love is always kind. Fear is always unkind.

Love is unconditional. Fear is full of conditions.

Other key points Don Miguel discusses are The Dream, The Perfect Relationship and Healing the Emotional Body.

Some of the concepts you have probably read or heard based on other traditions, but I liked the fresh simple approach that is taken with this most important subject. I don’t think we can hear these concepts too many times.

I’ll leave you with a quote from the book jacket summary.

When we master Love, we align with the Spirit of Life passing through us. We are no longer the body, or the mind, or the soul; we are Love. Then every action we take is an expression of Love, and Love in action can only produce happiness.