Flo

“You only have 30 minutes”.  This is the message I tell myself as I walk onto the deck with my cup of tea, journal and book.  I’m still savoring every last word of “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, the same way you would eat every last crumb of my grandmother’s fresh apple cake.

As my day goes, 30 minutes sounds like alot of time, but it isn’t enough.  I feel a little “rushed” sensation at the base of my spine and it prickles up to my head.  I am listing phone calls I need to make today and sorting a meeting agenda.  There are many ways I’d like to spend this day and these “ways” have nothing to do with work.  I’d like to be sipping my tea in Italy, looking down from my patio at the sea. Or getting my toes wet in Belize or climbing to try the zip line in Costa Rica.  These are all things on my “TO DO” list – the list of things I want to do in my life.  You can see, it’s slightly different from the daily, mundane “to do” list that includes things like (1) grocery shop (2) pay bills (3) call my grandmother.

Reading the July 11-17, 2007 Fort Collins Weekly ,I perused Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology.  I’ve written before on his writings about the Gemini that inhabits my being and enjoyed his latest findings:

The German work selig can mean both “ecstatic” or “blessed”.  It implies that profound bliss can be a devine gift; that deep pleasure may generate or come from spiritual inspiration.  The English language doesn’t have a term comparable to selig, maybe because our culture regards ecstasy with suspicion.  Religious people tend to believe that the blessed are those who are good and kind, certainly not those who are skilled at cultivating esctatic states.  People who worship rationality, on the other hand, like intellectuals and scientists, often think of ecstacy as at best an irrelevant state, and at worst a nonproductive or deluded indulgence.  Personally, I’m in alignment with the values embodied by the word selig.  It happens to be your specialty this week.

May your day be ecstatic or blessed or, in the best case, both!

I’m eating potato salad (batch #2) for breakfast.  Again. Meditation is done.  Thoughts are scattered.  Again.  Pulling them all together to form coherent, understandable writing is a bit of a challenge.

My friend Beth’s picture from the Gunnison Country Times hangs on the wall right in front of my laptop.  Pictures of Maureen and Ryan, sister’s Janet and Linny, Auntie Doris, friends Emma, Dustin and others surround me when I sit to type.  Pictures of Mill Creek and the Castles hang on the wall.  When I stop and look at them all, I feel a peacefulness that moves down my body and makes me feel settled in my heart.  Calmer.  Quiet.  Centered.

Most of these people and places I don’t see very often.  Most are 5 hours away and the best I can do is write to them, meditate on them, think of them.   It makes me think of a song that I don’t know who sings it and the words are something like:  ”Friends, I will remember you. Think of you. Pray for you.”  Although I can not grab all the words, in my head I hear many voices singing this song – that it was recorded by many artists at one time.   I like the way friends inspire me.  Thank you to you all.

Today I am reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat Pray Love” and I’ve decided she is a woman after my own heart.  Not only does she describe herself as eating her way through Italy (similar to my recent experience in Seattle, Washington) but she talks about her meditation struggles in a manner I understand and are quite descriptive of how my mind operates.

“Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call  the “monkey mind” – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl.  From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined.  This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking.  Happy thoughts make me happy, but – whoop! – how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it’s the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again;  and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly.  You are, after all, what you think.  Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”

If you get a chance to read this book, I’d recommend it. 

Between last night’s dinner and breakfast this morning, the first batch of summer potato salad has disappeared from my refrigerator.  And, alas, I am the culprit.

I LOVE potato salad.  Let me restate that: I love MY potato salad.  Far be it from me, one of the world’s pickiest eaters, to eat just any potato salad.  I’ve spent years perfecting our family recipe to the point it now requires no measuring or guessing.  Dollops of mayonnaise, mustard and pickle relish are dropped in the huge mixing bowl.  An undefined number of eggs and cut-up potatoes are boiled in the copper-bottomed Revere Ware 4 1/2 qt. stock pot.  Bacon is cooked in the microwave.  After testing the potatoes for “done-ness”, I drain off the water and fill the pan with cold water (to speed up the process.)  By now I am impatient and my mouth is watering.  I crumble the bacon on top of the mayo/mustard/relish pile and slice scallion stems.  The potatoes drain in the strainer and the eggs cool in the water. 

I look at the mixture in the bowl.  I move back and forth in front of the sink, as if this little dance will make the potatoes drain faster and the eggs cool from the breeze I create.  I crack the shells off the eggs, and dice them, still warm, onto the mixture in the bowl.  Gauging the potatoes as still pretty wet, I no longer care and they are dumped into the bowl and quickly stirred in. 

I eat the first bite using the mixing spoon. It is followed by a delicious sigh.  This makes me happy.

Wally wants extra attention this morning.  He sits next to me as I drink tea, peering up at me as if I can sit here and not notice his woebegone brown eyes.  Something large just hit the branch of the Maple tree and I’m quite sure no pterodactyl have flown by in the last few minutes.  I hear the bird calls, the trucks on the highway and notice a very non-pterodactyl-like squirrel in the Maple, now the Ash tree.

Last night I watched the Pursuit of Happyness.  It seemed insightful of Chris Gardner to notice how the Declaration of Independence included the pursuit of happiness, not just happiness alone.  He noticed that happiness was included other places in the Declaration, that it was something he was pursuing, and at the end of the movie declared his moment of happiness.  It took alot of work to reach that one moment.  Although he had timesof despair, he was focused and his intentions remained on completing the internship and being THE employee who gets the job.  I admire that and wonder what I’ve done in my life with the same level of intensity.

Saturday, I went with a friend to the Boulder Book Store.  The first book I saw when I walked in was SARK’s new book “FABULOUS FRIENDSHIP FESTIVAL – loving wildly, learning deeply, living fully with our friends”.  You were probably thinking I was done with SARK.  I know I was, however, the cover was so tantilizing, so bright I couldn’t resist buying it and now, sharing it.

As with all of SARK’s books, the writing is creative, colorful and uplifting.  A new addition to this book is actual photographs of SARK and her friends.  The book has three sections:  Celebrations, Challenges, Integration, and 12 chapters, from Self-Friendship to Managing Time and Energy in Friendships (and everything in between!)

Perusing this book will take quite some time and I’ll share insights and thoughts as I go. 

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it, one cannot be freinds with anyone else in the world” –Eleanor Roosevelt

“Just write”.  Sounds like instructions I’ve received from Natalie Goldberg at workshops I’ve attended in Taos, New Mexico.

There are times I sit down to write and my mind goes in 90 directions.  It’s actually like what my mind does when I sit down to meditate.

First, I take a deep breath.  I notice my breathing.  I notice the sound and feeling of the air from the ceiling fan.  I notice my breathing.  I notice the sound of the attic fan.  I notice my breathing.  Then, I notice thoughts.  I think about emails to write, emails written, thoughts of clients and my husband, conversations held over the last few days.  I notice thoughts of paperwork that needs faxed, reports that need written and some things that need filed.  At some point and before my meditation time is up, I eventually notice my breathing again.

When writing, particularly blogging, it’s a little more effective to others not to wander in my thoughts.  Today I meditated before I wrote.  That seems to help me stay a little more focused.

Namaste’

My list of “shoulds” got longer today.  I’ll bet most of us have one, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.  While being sick today, the “should” list got suspended – added to, yet suspended.  Shoved over to the side “Until Further Notice”.

I cough – sneeze – blow my nose – sneeze some more and over eat. I lose sight of what’s valuable besides a softer tissue.  That, and protecting my nose from chapping.  It gets to the point I’m no longer aware or caring of how my coughing and sneezing bothers my spouse.  I am beyond that.  So, I’m aware the “should” list exists – it’s just not a priority. Not as much as a soft, cushy, under the covers place for me to fall into to sleep.

I talked with an artist named Leo this week, who paints and sells her pictures at Pike Place Public Market, in Seattle.  Her art work is reminiscent of Van Gogh and she sells other art she has created as well.  I discovered two 8 x 10 prints which state “I love you” in red ink with red hearts decorating the pieces.  All each page, she has written personal statements to the person she created this gift for.  Here are examples of the statements:

“You are loving”

“I love you because you love a slow boat to china”

“You sing”

“I love you because you pretend you are a kitty-cat”

“Because you give and give”

“Because you say the moon is made of cheese.”

“I love you because you dig in the dirt”

“I love you because you secretly know how to fly”

“I love you because you fuss over your hair as if it were the crown for the Queen of England” (this is my favorite)

 These are amazing and personal gifts Leo made for others and is sharing.  I bought both prints.  They make me think about the things I love about others in my life, things that probably should be said, yet never are. 

Think of all the people you know who would appreciate being told they are loved by you and why.  Tell them!