Flo

I could be sharing SARK treasures in some sort of organized manner.  Alas (I’ve ALWAYS loved the drama in that word – I imagine standing with the back of my left hand held to my forehead and my head thrown back like a 1920 drama queen…) Alas, I want to share them rather randomly instead.

SARK writes an entire, colorful theme about our relationship with money (did you ever think of how you interact with money as being a “relationship”? That is an interesting topic to write about.)

How to relax about money.

relax. Your money is not your life!  it just seems that way sometimes. True wealth is inside of you. learn to cultivate money miracles. Go back to money innocence.  Be who you truly are and the money will follow. You are safe.  if you find yourself worrying about money, why were you lost in the first place? read “Money and How it Gets that way” by Henry Miller.  Make friends with money.  Money is like love – the more you give away, the more comes back. Watch the movie “it’s a wonderful life.” When any money flows in for you, it’s time to help others.  Help them now. Money was invented to be shared. Start a revolution: refuse to believe in recessions.  We need to rewrite recession to read: Money recess.  remember recess?  You got to go outside, kick a Ball, and feel free from school.  We all need to feel free about Money!  Take a Deep Breath. What you are worth is not about Money. relax. You are safe

                             – SARK, Inspiration Sandwich

Take a deep breath. What you are worth is not about money.

In her book “Prosperity Pie”, SARK quotes her friend Zoe age 5 “Oh Susan, why don’t you just BE how you ACTUALLY are?” SARK continues with ”I thought about how often I’m NOT how I actually am, or more important WHO I actually am…I’m often pretending, hiding, in disguise or wearing a mask of some kind.”

Isn’t this true of all of us at one time or another and maybe at more times than we’d like? Saturday night I watched a little boy who gleefully yelled out “I want a present!” during an awards ceremony (with gift wrapped awards).  I laughed at his unabashed enthusiasm and his ability to state what he was honestly feeling – in the moment.  He did not care what anyone felt or thought and he wanted us to know what he wanted.

We go along in life, trying to building strong, self-fulfilling relationships – ones that are empowering, increase our self confidence and make us feel great about ourselves.  I’m not sure we can do that without revealing our honest selves.  It seems like we have to figure out who we our, to ourselves, before we can share it with any one else.

So, I’m challenging me to reveal a little more about who I am to someone I trust in my life.   I encourage you do to the same.

Namaste’

Flo

I spend time, probably every day, discussing with others the idea of being patient with change.  Take baby steps.  Acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments.  Change takes time.  Today, I find I’m unwilling to do this for myself and that my critical, judgmental mind is actively engaged, talking loudly.

When choosing to be solely in private practice, vs. working two jobs, my idea was that I’d have lots of time for working out, friends and even a little spare time.  The whole pro/con list emphasized flexibility of scheduling, independence, more lunches with friends, starting journaling classes, increasing my self-care and having some consistency in my caseload (I’m not sure what I mean by that one, at this moment). 

Most of this list I can acknowledge is happening or in the stages of happening (baby steps).  Yet today, I am disatisfied with my progress.  I can list an enourmous number of people I have not emailed, written to or called.  These are people who matter and I somehow am not maintaining contact.  I need to take my own advice.  Previously, I had a daily mantra “there is enough time in each day to do all I need and want to do”.  I guess it’s time to tatoo this on my forehead or write it on top of my hand to remind myself that it’s true.

Flo

 All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make, the better.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are many avenues to pursuing change.  In his book “Do One Thing Different” Bill O’Hanlon suggests 10 ”Solution Keys” to create change and problem solve in your life.  O’Hanlon is one of developers of solution-focused therapy.  (I remember buying the book solely because I was intrigued by the title and that the title alone made a great journaling prompt.) He suggests ”solution keys” such as “find and use solution patterns”, and “shift your attention”.  The book goes into greater detail about options for change and where to focus your attention when approaching a problem or solution.

I previously mentioned my change process that included identifying the issue to change and finding a means for evaluating options.  Today I suggest (3) choose the new behavior/action and try it on for size, experiment and practice.  After evaluating options for change, start trying something new.  I refer to it like trying on clothes because if I was shopping for a blazer, I would find there are an endless number of colors, styles and sizes out there.  I cannot buy a blazer that fits without trying it on. I cannot change something in my life, unless I find something that “fits”. Which leads me to (4) when it works, own it.  In other words, take on this new thing and GO!  I sound like I’m writing an essay and this if far more linear than I ever write!  However, I will summarize:  (1) identify what you want to change (2) create a manner for evaluating the options (3) choose a new behavior and try it (4) when you’re successful, own it.  There is much flexibility with this process and always leaves plenty of room for re-evaluation and continued growth. 

Happy Thursday

Flo

We must always change, revew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden. 

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

On any given day, it’s likely I’m in the midst of some self-evaluation process.  I search inside myself the endless list of things I’d like to change, improve or drop entirely and then, develop a gameplan for how-to-do one thing.  On some days, like last Saturday, the list became inevitably long.  I needed to overcome my paper-clutter issues, improve my marriage, create more positive self talk, and on and on.  As I said, the list was endless.  Being in such a state of introspection isn’t always good.  It can take my focus off the positive things in my life, as well as create an environment (in my brain, of course) where all I do and think about myself needs changed.  Fortunately, when I’m introspective, the thoughts are typically corraled into the “let’s see what I need to work on” part of myself and negative self talk is not part of this process.

So, how to address something I want to change?  I recently made a lengthy pro/con list when trying to make an important job decision.  This shed an enormous light on my reasons for wanting to make the move into private practice (vs. working a job and private practice).  The list gave me visual confirmation of what was going on in my mind and provided order and organization to the process.  The list became a validation tool.  There are other evaluation options such as sometimes it helps to get feedback from mentors, from friends, from family members who are insightful about you or the issue you want to change or create.  This was also a big help in my process and part of the pro/con list was created on the telephone with a co-worker, which provided an amazing amount of support and (again) validated my thought process. 

For today, focusing on the idea of change or improvement, I believe the first two steps are (1) identify what you want to change and (2) create a manner for evaluating the options (i.e. pro/con list, feedback from others) and I’ll continue this topic later.

 Flo

Have you ever “practiced” a resignation letter?  It can be fun to do so because when practicing you can say every little, minute thing that you can never really say.  Things like: “Hasta’ lavista”,  “I’m outta’ here” and “adios amigos” (I’m sure there are other choice words out there that could be added to the list!)

In the last week, I have “practiced” my resignation letter many times and having verbalized it on Friday, I will be submitting it officially on Monday.  There is an endless amount of relief as well as other emotions that follow this letter.  My goal is to increase my happiness.  That may sound trite, but working 60 hours in a week doesn’t give me alot of time to do “fun” things that add to me being a well-rounded being.  I have been happy working two jobs; I believe in being happier. 

This weekend, I thought often about the concept of disillusionment. Some aspects of how I allow this to be a part of my life and how much I allowed it in the past.

It has been two years since I moved from the small Colorado town of Gunnison to the town of Fort Collins.  I’m surprised and saddened by the friendships that are not as close as they used to be.  That’s a small part of the disillusionment I’m processing.  My own lack of reality, thinking that somehow these relationships could stay as close, warm and caring as they came to be after 20 years living in that small community.

There is something about the holidays. I think about friends I no longer see on a daily basis, about how much I miss their presence and how challenging it is to integrate this sense of loss into my life, without responding to it by being sad, mopey, whatever.    I find grief to be a frustrating and necessary path that I stumble along.  It reminds me of how much I value relationships in my life.

Isn’t it Paul Harvey who, on his radio shows, gives a brief blurb, and then, following a commercial break, continues with “the rest of the story”?

Yesterday, I expressed my frustration in my blog and within 5 minutes of hitting the “save” button on my computer screen, the phone rang.  The appliance repair person was just “leaving Cheyenne and should be there within an hour”.  Three hours later, I was on my bike, riding along the Poudre River.  That’s all it took.  A simple declaration and the universe took care of it.  That’s my opinion anyway.

I carry, in my mind, a mantra about time – one I started saying soon after I started reading “Ask and it is Given”.  What I say to myself is “I have enough time in my day” or a version of this “I have enough time to do all I need to do in my day”.  I find that, truly, there is enough time in my day to accomplish the daily “list” of things I need to accomplish.  The technique Michael suggests http://cloud9000.typepad.com/michael/2006/11/not_enough_time.html is an excellent and interesting way to manage our to-do lists, as well.

I’ve read and read again, Michael’s blog on time http://cloud9000.typepad.com/michael/2006/11/not_enough_time.html. Today I am struck by his question ” Do you feel pulled in a 100 different directions?”  because today, I feel stuck. Stuck because of waiting on a repair person to arrive and perform annual maintenance on my refrigerator and dishwasher and I’m back in that highly irritated state I was in earlier in the week.

It’s an illusion.  You see, I know this issue with time and feeling confined is all made up in my head. So I have this thought, develop this immense emotion tied to the thought of confinement and then start doing things to help resolve the emotion.  I do things like, call the company (three times).  I verify that I am required to have annual maintenance performed or my warranty will not be valid.  I get disconnected on the call where I’m asking if I have to be at home, in order to have the work done.  My third call, I find out the repair person is on his 4th call out of 9.  That doesn’t help me much.  I leave my phone number, asking for a return call with a little more specific time frame. 

I pace like a caged animal.  The truth is, I can’t tell you there is anywhere I HAVE to go.  I am defrosting the freezer and can not leave right now anyway.  I could go on a bike ride.  I could go on a hike.  I could go work out.  Yes, I feel so stuck.  Eventually, I’ll get out of the head space.  I’ll walk in the neighborhood, or meditate or continue the freezer defrosting.  It’s not that big of a deal, yet my response sure doesn’t say that. 

Lately, I have been noticing how easily I am annoyed and irritated.  It has been a prevalent thought since the meditation retreat. This is probably not the best theme for a blog about happiness, but it’s honest.

I often talk to people about how as humans we can feel two (or more) emotions at the same time, but wonder about these. Happiness AND annoyance?  Happiness AND irritation?  As I write, I justify my thoughts with the concept of “an overall air of happiness with moments of annoyance and/or irritation.”  No, I don’t think that’s it and I wonder what is really going on.

Irritation and annoyance enters the picture when someone interferes with MY plans.  You know, like the neighbor who rings the doorbell and I am (1) annoyed the doorbell rang, which means my “please knock” sign disappeared , and I am (2) not feeling like talking to anyone and there is someone at my door.  Thankfully, my spouse answers the door and the only thing the neighbor wants is to use the hose to water her horses in our pasture.  It’s not an annoying request.  Yet, I was annoyed. I was irritated. Was I doing something so important that couldn’t be interrupted?  No.  Did I answer the door myself. No. My mind ran in circles, restating #1 and #2 above and I even accused my spouse of taking off my small sign.  I’m not proud of any of this and wouldn’t be writing about it, except the response is a little typical right now.

For the moment, I continue to observe it.  I try not to judge myself too harshly.  I try to look for the origin of the issue, but the water is dark, dark blue and it’s a deep pool that I can’t see the bottom of right now.  I stand on the side of the pool and look in.