Flo

Standing by the fountain at DIA - I found myself staring at family members as they greeted each other, and my smile got bigger and bigger as I watched.

One woman was making wild arching movements with her right arm.  A huge grin on her face, she was trying to get the attention of her husband and teenage son.  The son noticed, but in typical teenage style, said nothing.  She approached her husband from behind and startled him.  He blushed,  so happy to see her.  The teenager smiled wide as he hugged his mother.

Another woman was squatted down by the escalator (just a bit unusual for an airport).  A second later I heard “Mommy, Mommy” as a small blonde girl vaulted herself into her mother’s arms, followed by her equally tiny sister and a slightly harrassed father.  Their laughter was infectious.

In the next minute Kay start motioning to me.  Left?  Right?  I point right and we gallop  to meet, not having seen each other in over a year.  I love reunions.  The aniticipation, the emotions, the joy and laughter.

Namaste’

Flo

People tell Frank Warren their secrets.  All Frank does is ask for them.  Frank has been collecting secrets for the past four years and to date, has collected more than 200,000.

On April 26, I wrote of going to hear Frank, the author of four PostSecret books. Listening to him speak about PostSecret and meeting him afterward showed me how big his heart is.  It showed me how genuinely serious he is about collecting secrets and “protecting” them.  You might think the word “protecting” doesn’t apply, after all he has published four books and posts 20 postcards on his PostSecret.com website weekly ( 20 of approx. 1,000). By protecting, I mean he doesn’t allow himself to be in situations where the secrets or the process can be ridiculed, for instance he choose not to be interviewed on the David Letterman show, for that very reason.

Think about your secrets.  It can be a difficult thing to do, particularly if you consider yourself to be honest, forthright, honest, direct, and again, honest.  We all carry stories with us, memories of humiliation from grade school, embarrassing moments, and then our more serious and even debilitating secrets.  By simply sending him a postcard, Frank gives everyone an opportunity to voice those secrets, create momentum that moves a person in the direction of healing.

The presentation ended with the lights dimmed and Frank giving audience members the opportunity to share their secrets.  I sat there thinking “there is no way anyone would do that” and was I wrong.  Often heartbreaking and sometimes hysterically humorous, the audience members bravely shared their secrets with us.  While getting my books signed, I tried to thank Frank for all he has done.  My guess is, he hears this all the time.  I think I’ll tell him in a postcard.

Namaste’

The title - it’s the name we called Homer basset and Abbygail basset, the day we brought Homer home.  Tim asked me what we’d call them when they grew up and I’m sure I made some flip or sarcastic response.  The thing is, over 11 years later they are still the “basset babies” or “the babies”.  (It’s a good thing we didn’t ever have children - we’d have never let them grow up.)

Today, Homer is in the hospital.  He is in Denver and is likely to undergo surgery on Thursday.  I don’t handle this very well.  Married to a veterinarian, I am used to being able to be there the whole time, watching and observing, holding and hugging immediately following any procedure.  That is not the case this time.  It is hard for me, really hard.  There is some invisible sense of control that goes along with just being there and none of that is there right now. 

I am aware I am upset about something in the future and not right now, but that’s the case.  Homer isn’t sleeping at home and Wally basset wanders around looking for him. My feelings for Homer are immense, full, gigantic and enormous.  My love for all the creatures we share our lives with is like that.  Nothing much bigger exists.

In my head, I realize that there isn’t alot I can do - I can think positive and optimistic thoughts; I can project that he will be running around the yard in 6-8 weeks. In the meantime, my heart aches.

Flo

“When friends stop being frank and useful to each other,” wrote literary critic Anatole Broyard, “the whole world loses some of its radiance.” Make sure that doesn’t happen any time soon, Gemini. In fact, regard this horoscope as a warning beacon that motivates you to action. Intensify your intention to keep your best alliances frank and useful. Infuse a dose of raw candor into any relationship that is in danger of becoming lazy or dishonest.                                                             -Rob Brezsny

This isn’t the first time (nor is it likely to be the last) that I’ve written or noted Rob Brezsny’s words in my blog.  However, this week I find his words provoke alot of thought and go along with how I’ve been thinking for some time.  Things like the need to be honest in relationships and the need for others to be honest with me.  For the most part I keep myself out-of-the-line-of-fire, not being “called” on my actions-words-behaviors too often.  That doesn’t remove me from being a person that needs that in her life, that accountability, and I hope those who know me and love me clearly understand that is something I expect from them.  It should be reciprocal, not one sided.  Just the idea of it feels so freeing, yet I wonder how many of us allow for this in our lives?

It’s not an invitation to be broken down or trod upon, it’s the willingness to continue being human.  To be made aware of when I trip up or wander, which may cause hurt or pain for others.  In some ways it feels rather freeing.

Namaste’ 

There are memories I have of specific situations, moments that occurred in my life and it’s as if they’re seared on my brain with a branding iron.  These are not pleasant memories and they are more jarring to me due to the emotional distress they caused in-the-moment, and the message that lingered.  The reality is, I learned alot about myself during those moments - taught by teachers who had no idea that “teaching” was their role in my life.

In “Eat pray love”, Elizabeth Gilbert is told that she doesn’t understand the definition of “soul mate”:

“…People think a soul mate is your perfect fit and that’s what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  But to live with a soul mate forever?  Nah.  Too painful.  Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave….”

We all need people in our lives who love us enough to be direct, honest and lay it all out there.  Not so we’re stripped down to nothing, but stated in a way that we have the opportunity to see what we might need to change.

Even from the title of her book “Eating Mangoes Naked”, you get the impression SARK will be sharing something inspiring and fun.  Her focus throughout the entire book is on pleasure. At the beginning of the book she says:

It is our birthright to enjoy ourselves and find all the pleasure in our lives.  Pleasure loves company and delights in being discovered.

Early in the book she discusses the pleasure we get by giving to others and challenges us to explore this aspect of ourselves.  Here is her list of questions related to how we give in our lives (the questions make good journaling prompts):

Are you able to give without an “credit”?

Do you feel compelled to give in honor of certain occasions even if you don’t want to?

Do you search for ways and reasons to give?

Is giving easy for you?

In what ways to you feel satisfied or dissatisfied with how others give to you?

Ways in which you welcome and fully embrace gifts, or not?

Share a story of a favorite time you gave to someone.

What can you offer to the world with your giving?

I like the last question and wonder what I can offer the world with my giving.  Sometimes I think just the act of approaching my day with an open heart is the best I can do (and some days, even that is a little challenging).

Namaste’

Flo

I could be sharing SARK treasures in some sort of organized manner.  Alas (I’ve ALWAYS loved the drama in that word - I imagine standing with the back of my left hand held to my forehead and my head thrown back like a 1920 drama queen…) Alas, I want to share them rather randomly instead.

SARK writes an entire, colorful theme about our relationship with money (did you ever think of how you interact with money as being a “relationship”? That is an interesting topic to write about.)

How to relax about money.

relax. Your money is not your life!  it just seems that way sometimes. True wealth is inside of you. learn to cultivate money miracles. Go back to money innocence.  Be who you truly are and the money will follow. You are safe.  if you find yourself worrying about money, why were you lost in the first place? read “Money and How it Gets that way” by Henry Miller.  Make friends with money.  Money is like love - the more you give away, the more comes back. Watch the movie “it’s a wonderful life.” When any money flows in for you, it’s time to help others.  Help them now. Money was invented to be shared. Start a revolution: refuse to believe in recessions.  We need to rewrite recession to read: Money recess.  remember recess?  You got to go outside, kick a Ball, and feel free from school.  We all need to feel free about Money!  Take a Deep Breath. What you are worth is not about Money. relax. You are safe

                             - SARK, Inspiration Sandwich

Take a deep breath. What you are worth is not about money.

In her book “Prosperity Pie”, SARK quotes her friend Zoe age 5 “Oh Susan, why don’t you just BE how you ACTUALLY are?” SARK continues with ”I thought about how often I’m NOT how I actually am, or more important WHO I actually am…I’m often pretending, hiding, in disguise or wearing a mask of some kind.”

Isn’t this true of all of us at one time or another and maybe at more times than we’d like? Saturday night I watched a little boy who gleefully yelled out “I want a present!” during an awards ceremony (with gift wrapped awards).  I laughed at his unabashed enthusiasm and his ability to state what he was honestly feeling - in the moment.  He did not care what anyone felt or thought and he wanted us to know what he wanted.

We go along in life, trying to building strong, self-fulfilling relationships - ones that are empowering, increase our self confidence and make us feel great about ourselves.  I’m not sure we can do that without revealing our honest selves.  It seems like we have to figure out who we our, to ourselves, before we can share it with any one else.

So, I’m challenging me to reveal a little more about who I am to someone I trust in my life.   I encourage you do to the same.

Namaste’

Flo

Wednesday night I had the privilege of hearing Jane Goodall speak at Colorado State University.  As the CSU Wind Ensemble played “Out of Africa”, I felt an intense rush of emotion when Jane walked to the podium and put her materials in place, prior to her presentation.  She received a standing ovation for walking onto the stage, another as she was introduced and a final one as she completed her talk, “A Reason for Hope” (also the title of one of her books).

Jane Goodall traveled to Africa at a time when it was not expected that a woman could or would be so adventurous.  For more than 30 years she studied the chimpanzees in Gombe Stream National Park, in Tanzania and established the Jane Goodall Institute.  The Institute  was “Founded by renowned primatologist Jane Goodall, JGI is a global nonprofit that empowers people to make a difference for all living things. We are creating healthy ecosystems, promoting sustainable livelihoods and nurturing new generations of committed, active citizens around the world.”

Jane currently travels 300 days out of the year, speaking to audiences about healthy ecosystems, promoting the “Roots and Shoots” program for youth and advocating for creating sustainable living opportunities for the citizens of Africa.

This weekend, I thought often about the concept of disillusionment. Some aspects of how I allow this to be a part of my life and how much I allowed it in the past.

It has been two years since I moved from the small Colorado town of Gunnison to the town of Fort Collins.  I’m surprised and saddened by the friendships that are not as close as they used to be.  That’s a small part of the disillusionment I’m processing.  My own lack of reality, thinking that somehow these relationships could stay as close, warm and caring as they came to be after 20 years living in that small community.

There is something about the holidays. I think about friends I no longer see on a daily basis, about how much I miss their presence and how challenging it is to integrate this sense of loss into my life, without responding to it by being sad, mopey, whatever.    I find grief to be a frustrating and necessary path that I stumble along.  It reminds me of how much I value relationships in my life.