Flo

Standing by the fountain at DIA – I found myself staring at family members as they greeted each other, and my smile got bigger and bigger as I watched.

One woman was making wild arching movements with her right arm.  A huge grin on her face, she was trying to get the attention of her husband and teenage son.  The son noticed, but in typical teenage style, said nothing.  She approached her husband from behind and startled him.  He blushed,  so happy to see her.  The teenager smiled wide as he hugged his mother.

Another woman was squatted down by the escalator (just a bit unusual for an airport).  A second later I heard “Mommy, Mommy” as a small blonde girl vaulted herself into her mother’s arms, followed by her equally tiny sister and a slightly harrassed father.  Their laughter was infectious.

In the next minute Kay start motioning to me.  Left?  Right?  I point right and we gallop  to meet, not having seen each other in over a year.  I love reunions.  The aniticipation, the emotions, the joy and laughter.

Namaste’

Flo

Yesterday, while sitting in a court room, watching the process of an adoption - I was proud to be part of “the village”.  Proud to be part of the support system that loves and embraces the family.

On such a momentus occasion, it was funny to watch the children – the parents were attentive and solemn, listening to the judge.  They agreed this is what they have always wanted and answered questions such as “what do you do for fun?” and “what do they like to eat?”.  At the beginning, the children sat on their parents’ laps, listening and participating as best they could.  Quite soon, the children were climbing under the bench to the bench behind them to join the other children.  The bench seemed alive with moving children – back and forth, up and down (benches are great for sliding, you know!)

The air itself seemed to vibrate with applause and laughter, hugs and happiness.  The parents feel blessed and the village found such joy in participating in the celebration of love.

Homer basset didn’t have surgery last week.  Considered to be “non-surgical” due to the other spinal issues he has, we brought him home and with medication, there has been limited improvement.

It’s surprising to me how much life changes in just a few days – we carry Homer up and down the stairs and watch him totter across the back yard, doing his “business” with the other dogs.  His positive demeanor has returned and he is pain-free. At times, it feels we’re living with an infant, which is different for us and all the while  Homer continues to be his warm, loving and happy self.  For this I am grateful.  We are enjoying his presence, his companionship and have to laugh at his ability to be so very joyful as his physical limitations increase.  This is a quality I’d like to possess.

He is a good friend and we are happy he is here.

Namaste’

The title – it’s the name we called Homer basset and Abbygail basset, the day we brought Homer home.  Tim asked me what we’d call them when they grew up and I’m sure I made some flip or sarcastic response.  The thing is, over 11 years later they are still the “basset babies” or “the babies”.  (It’s a good thing we didn’t ever have children – we’d have never let them grow up.)

Today, Homer is in the hospital.  He is in Denver and is likely to undergo surgery on Thursday.  I don’t handle this very well.  Married to a veterinarian, I am used to being able to be there the whole time, watching and observing, holding and hugging immediately following any procedure.  That is not the case this time.  It is hard for me, really hard.  There is some invisible sense of control that goes along with just being there and none of that is there right now. 

I am aware I am upset about something in the future and not right now, but that’s the case.  Homer isn’t sleeping at home and Wally basset wanders around looking for him. My feelings for Homer are immense, full, gigantic and enormous.  My love for all the creatures we share our lives with is like that.  Nothing much bigger exists.

In my head, I realize that there isn’t alot I can do – I can think positive and optimistic thoughts; I can project that he will be running around the yard in 6-8 weeks. In the meantime, my heart aches.

Flo

“When friends stop being frank and useful to each other,” wrote literary critic Anatole Broyard, “the whole world loses some of its radiance.” Make sure that doesn’t happen any time soon, Gemini. In fact, regard this horoscope as a warning beacon that motivates you to action. Intensify your intention to keep your best alliances frank and useful. Infuse a dose of raw candor into any relationship that is in danger of becoming lazy or dishonest.                                                             -Rob Brezsny

This isn’t the first time (nor is it likely to be the last) that I’ve written or noted Rob Brezsny’s words in my blog.  However, this week I find his words provoke alot of thought and go along with how I’ve been thinking for some time.  Things like the need to be honest in relationships and the need for others to be honest with me.  For the most part I keep myself out-of-the-line-of-fire, not being “called” on my actions-words-behaviors too often.  That doesn’t remove me from being a person that needs that in her life, that accountability, and I hope those who know me and love me clearly understand that is something I expect from them.  It should be reciprocal, not one sided.  Just the idea of it feels so freeing, yet I wonder how many of us allow for this in our lives?

It’s not an invitation to be broken down or trod upon, it’s the willingness to continue being human.  To be made aware of when I trip up or wander, which may cause hurt or pain for others.  In some ways it feels rather freeing.

Namaste’ 

Monday morning I awoke with harried negative self-talk going in cirlces in my head.  There was no sense of calmness anywhere in my body or brain.  Mornings like that rarely happen but when they do, they’re paralyzing.  It’s as if the needle of the record player got stuck on a scratch on the album (I grew up when vinyl was “in”).  The negative thoughts got to the point of boiling over. I was too distracted to figure out how to get out of it.  My saving grace that morning was a phone call.  One phone conversation and the hovering grey cloud was gone, as if it had never been there. 

I wanted to make a list of ways to get out of such a space.  I knew it could help me in the future when I was too preoccupied to come up with options.  Anyone out there might want to add their suggestions as well – what distracts one person from negative thoughts might not work for another.

Here’s the beginning of the list:

1.  Talk to a friend

2. Read

3. Meditate

4. Go for a run

5. Journal

6. Wallow with the bassets

7. Sing along with a John Denver song (after all, you know all the words).

8. Dance to “Footloose”

keep the list going.

I’m eating potato salad (batch #2) for breakfast.  Again. Meditation is done.  Thoughts are scattered.  Again.  Pulling them all together to form coherent, understandable writing is a bit of a challenge.

My friend Beth’s picture from the Gunnison Country Times hangs on the wall right in front of my laptop.  Pictures of Maureen and Ryan, sister’s Janet and Linny, Auntie Doris, friends Emma, Dustin and others surround me when I sit to type.  Pictures of Mill Creek and the Castles hang on the wall.  When I stop and look at them all, I feel a peacefulness that moves down my body and makes me feel settled in my heart.  Calmer.  Quiet.  Centered.

Most of these people and places I don’t see very often.  Most are 5 hours away and the best I can do is write to them, meditate on them, think of them.   It makes me think of a song that I don’t know who sings it and the words are something like:  ”Friends, I will remember you. Think of you. Pray for you.”  Although I can not grab all the words, in my head I hear many voices singing this song – that it was recorded by many artists at one time.   I like the way friends inspire me.  Thank you to you all.

Saturday, I went with a friend to the Boulder Book Store.  The first book I saw when I walked in was SARK’s new book “FABULOUS FRIENDSHIP FESTIVAL – loving wildly, learning deeply, living fully with our friends”.  You were probably thinking I was done with SARK.  I know I was, however, the cover was so tantilizing, so bright I couldn’t resist buying it and now, sharing it.

As with all of SARK’s books, the writing is creative, colorful and uplifting.  A new addition to this book is actual photographs of SARK and her friends.  The book has three sections:  Celebrations, Challenges, Integration, and 12 chapters, from Self-Friendship to Managing Time and Energy in Friendships (and everything in between!)

Perusing this book will take quite some time and I’ll share insights and thoughts as I go. 

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it, one cannot be freinds with anyone else in the world” –Eleanor Roosevelt

I talked with an artist named Leo this week, who paints and sells her pictures at Pike Place Public Market, in Seattle.  Her art work is reminiscent of Van Gogh and she sells other art she has created as well.  I discovered two 8 x 10 prints which state “I love you” in red ink with red hearts decorating the pieces.  All each page, she has written personal statements to the person she created this gift for.  Here are examples of the statements:

“You are loving”

“I love you because you love a slow boat to china”

“You sing”

“I love you because you pretend you are a kitty-cat”

“Because you give and give”

“Because you say the moon is made of cheese.”

“I love you because you dig in the dirt”

“I love you because you secretly know how to fly”

“I love you because you fuss over your hair as if it were the crown for the Queen of England” (this is my favorite)

 These are amazing and personal gifts Leo made for others and is sharing.  I bought both prints.  They make me think about the things I love about others in my life, things that probably should be said, yet never are. 

Think of all the people you know who would appreciate being told they are loved by you and why.  Tell them!

As I continue to explore my forthcoming birthday I read in “Transformation Soup” SARK’s personal process with aging. She states things in a manner all of us can relate to.

 She lists:

“The benefits and gifts of my aging I’ve seen so far:

- Men or women playing games don’t even vaguely interest me.

- My centeredness and power.

- I have more insurance and different kinds of garbage bags.

- My vision for helping others is much clearer and keener.

- I am less self-absorbed.

- I am more grateful for health and more compassionate in general.

- I know what I like and how to experience it.

- Emotional balance.

- Freedom from reproduction and childbirth.

- Being Aunt and Godmother and friend to children.

- Being fiercely in love with myself.

- Being able to more deeply give and receive love.”

- SARK, Transformation Soup

Personnally, I am on the cusp of recognizing the benefits of my aging.  That recognition is important for me, I’m just not yet sure how.