I know I am constantly invited to meditate. I know that the structure of the room where I meditate intentionally prohibits my meditation practice and that part of me resists changing it. What do I want? I really want someone to help me get thru the stuff and create an inviting space. My spouse and I have both had to hire people to help us with periodic filing issues. It has helped clear paperwork but it hasn’t help me get a system for organization down. There is a book out, something related to a year of organizing with week by week tasks. I like the sound of it – the week by week part.
Reality – there are many things on my plate and deciding what to prioritize becomes a bit of a job so I act like an ostrich, head in the sand and maybe butt in the air, letting other things take priority. Hiring someone to clean the house weekly has freed up so much time for me. Not that I spent hours cleaning, but I did spend hours trying to clean•do office paperwork•make food and all the other stuff that I do. That was a start – how do I get to the next step?
I miss meditating; the rush of ideas that land in that space that never truly empties. That’s a funny part of meditation for me – the way there is never really nothing but there is less interference, less noise of all the busy intrusive thoughts that run races in my head. So when I sat, facing the bookcase and wall, there were moments I actually settled, noticed my body, felt myself seated and breathing. At other times the rush of getting in the room, the self-inflicted pressure to do it vs. invitation to do it, created resistance and unwillingness to sit. I felt like a rebellious teen, drug to do something I didn’t want to do. Really it’s a gift that I keep pushing away.
Namaste’
Flo
This morning I read Jennifer Louden’s blog http://feeds.feedburner.com/LoudenMouth.
I like the ideas she discusses: Being present, even when your heart is crumbling. Resourcing, being able to draw on something larger than yourself (myself) to be nurtured, soothed. Lastly, declaring your own pattern for the week. So, how about it? Read her blog and let me know, what pattern can you lovingly notice about yourself?
The pattern I will lovingly (that’s the key) notice this week is the brain-swarm I get into, (just imagine bees in your brain)…and when I notice the sound that resembles a giant hive, I’ll focus on my breathing.
Namaste’
Flo
You know that little check box that says “remember me”? It’s a regular feature on most websites that require a log-in and was at the bottom of the WordPress screen as I logged in a few minutes ago.
“Remember me” is what I should be saying, with a big, not just big but GIGANTIC question mark – like this: “REMEMBER ME?”as it has been a very long time since I’ve written in this space. (Hello? Hello? Are you out there??) I’m not missing. I just wandered. Wandered off. Wandered for a bit. Wandered away. Wandered afar. Wandered around. (I can go on and on about it…) Really, I’m still out here and haven’t forgotten about being in this space, either. Sometimes (well, I probably should say “often”) it’s a juggle for time, for priority and many things racing to be first in line. For instance, in the midst of writing this ever-so-brief blog I was interrupted to: put the bassets out; put the bassets to bed; feed/water the outside cat, TJ; try to unhook the hose from the spigot as it is freezing tonight (no luck on that one); put the laundry in the closet (it has been on the floor for days – probably 10 days). Now, I look at the clock and I have to stop and go to sleep.
No worries. I’ll be back.
Namaste’,
Flo
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