There are memories I have of specific situations, moments that occurred in my life and it’s as if they’re seared on my brain with a branding iron. These are not pleasant memories and they are more jarring to me due to the emotional distress they caused in-the-moment, and the message that lingered. The reality is, I learned alot about myself during those moments – taught by teachers who had no idea that “teaching” was their role in my life.
In “Eat pray love”, Elizabeth Gilbert is told that she doesn’t understand the definition of “soul mate”:
“…People think a soul mate is your perfect fit and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave….”
We all need people in our lives who love us enough to be direct, honest and lay it all out there. Not so we’re stripped down to nothing, but stated in a way that we have the opportunity to see what we might need to change.
“You only have 30 minutes”. This is the message I tell myself as I walk onto the deck with my cup of tea, journal and book. I’m still savoring every last word of “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert, the same way you would eat every last crumb of my grandmother’s fresh apple cake.
As my day goes, 30 minutes sounds like alot of time, but it isn’t enough. I feel a little “rushed” sensation at the base of my spine and it prickles up to my head. I am listing phone calls I need to make today and sorting a meeting agenda. There are many ways I’d like to spend this day and these “ways” have nothing to do with work. I’d like to be sipping my tea in Italy, looking down from my patio at the sea. Or getting my toes wet in Belize or climbing to try the zip line in Costa Rica. These are all things on my “TO DO” list – the list of things I want to do in my life. You can see, it’s slightly different from the daily, mundane “to do” list that includes things like (1) grocery shop (2) pay bills (3) call my grandmother.
Reading the July 11-17, 2007 Fort Collins Weekly ,I perused Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology. I’ve written before on his writings about the Gemini that inhabits my being and enjoyed his latest findings:
The German work selig can mean both “ecstatic” or “blessed”. It implies that profound bliss can be a devine gift; that deep pleasure may generate or come from spiritual inspiration. The English language doesn’t have a term comparable to selig, maybe because our culture regards ecstasy with suspicion. Religious people tend to believe that the blessed are those who are good and kind, certainly not those who are skilled at cultivating esctatic states. People who worship rationality, on the other hand, like intellectuals and scientists, often think of ecstacy as at best an irrelevant state, and at worst a nonproductive or deluded indulgence. Personally, I’m in alignment with the values embodied by the word selig. It happens to be your specialty this week.
May your day be ecstatic or blessed or, in the best case, both!
I’m eating potato salad (batch #2) for breakfast. Again. Meditation is done. Thoughts are scattered. Again. Pulling them all together to form coherent, understandable writing is a bit of a challenge.
My friend Beth’s picture from the Gunnison Country Times hangs on the wall right in front of my laptop. Pictures of Maureen and Ryan, sister’s Janet and Linny, Auntie Doris, friends Emma, Dustin and others surround me when I sit to type. Pictures of Mill Creek and the Castles hang on the wall. When I stop and look at them all, I feel a peacefulness that moves down my body and makes me feel settled in my heart. Calmer. Quiet. Centered.
Most of these people and places I don’t see very often. Most are 5 hours away and the best I can do is write to them, meditate on them, think of them. It makes me think of a song that I don’t know who sings it and the words are something like: ”Friends, I will remember you. Think of you. Pray for you.” Although I can not grab all the words, in my head I hear many voices singing this song – that it was recorded by many artists at one time. I like the way friends inspire me. Thank you to you all.
Today I am reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat Pray Love” and I’ve decided she is a woman after my own heart. Not only does she describe herself as eating her way through Italy (similar to my recent experience in Seattle, Washington) but she talks about her meditation struggles in a manner I understand and are quite descriptive of how my mind operates.
“Like most humanoids, I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the “monkey mind” – the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but – whoop! – how quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood; and then it’s the remembrance of an angry moment and I start to get hot and pissed off all over again; and then my mind decides it might be a good time to start feeling sorry for itself, and loneliness follows promptly. You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”
If you get a chance to read this book, I’d recommend it.
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