Flo

In David Sedaris’ “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim”, he writes about making a wish on the last bite of a piece of pie. The point of the pie. The story states you should eat your pie from the outside in, that “your last bite should be the point, and you’re supposed to make a wish on it.”

That’s news to me. My whole life I have been eating pie backward.

What I noticed about this idea is that I started thinking of all the opportunities we have created for making wishes. Falling stars. Birthday candles. Coins in a fountain or wishing well. We love to wish.

My wishes travel the galaxy – from wishing for homemade coconut creme pie to world peace. What is your most recent wish?

Flo

Following my declaration about honesty last week, I stopped blogging. No words would come out of my head. I lost my voice.

The question is “What is inhibiting me?” That’s what this is about. Suddenly there were mountains in front of me I couldn’t leap over (all made up in my head, of course). I felt rather vulnerable with lots of negative self talk – “who wants to read what you have to say” and “why are you doing this anyway?” It’s not so funny that all of this occurred following a conversation with a good friend about why I was blogging in the first place. I had explained that to me this is part of a bigger picture, part of my contribution to the world. I said I like being a part of a group “dedicated to helping people find more happiness”; it’s what I do in my daily-life-work and this broadens the opportunity to continue doing the same.

On Friday, when I explained to the same friend that I hadn’t written since our earlier talk and why, he asked what I was going to do about it. My response was “do it anyway” – keep barreling through the tunnel because that’s the only way to get through it. My feelings will eventually catch up and the negative self talk is quieting. I am still writing, just lagging a bit behind.

Flo

Terri Jentz, in her book “Strange Piece of Paradise” (an exceptionally well written book regarding a crime against her in 1977) – ends the acknowledgments portion of her book with a quote from late author and activist Paul Monette.  He told Jentz that each day “he would ask himself to write more honestly than he had the day before.”

I was struck strongly by this statement, this goal he set for himself and want to do the same for myself, for my writing and just how I live life. I think there is always more room for honesty in the world.

Namaste’

Flo

I spend time, probably every day, discussing with others the idea of being patient with change.  Take baby steps.  Acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments.  Change takes time.  Today, I find I’m unwilling to do this for myself and that my critical, judgmental mind is actively engaged, talking loudly.

When choosing to be solely in private practice, vs. working two jobs, my idea was that I’d have lots of time for working out, friends and even a little spare time.  The whole pro/con list emphasized flexibility of scheduling, independence, more lunches with friends, starting journaling classes, increasing my self-care and having some consistency in my caseload (I’m not sure what I mean by that one, at this moment). 

Most of this list I can acknowledge is happening or in the stages of happening (baby steps).  Yet today, I am disatisfied with my progress.  I can list an enourmous number of people I have not emailed, written to or called.  These are people who matter and I somehow am not maintaining contact.  I need to take my own advice.  Previously, I had a daily mantra “there is enough time in each day to do all I need and want to do”.  I guess it’s time to tatoo this on my forehead or write it on top of my hand to remind myself that it’s true.

Flo

Saying kind things to ourselves.  It’s an interesting idea, isn’t it?  It’s the theme of Michael’s blog today and a favorite topic of author Louise Hay.  In her book “You Can Heal Your Life” she starts her book with “Some Points of My Philosophy” and the first stated is “We are each responsible for all of our experiences” and she continues from there beginning the first chapter with “What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us”. 

This book contains a section of Problems, Probable Causes and New Thought Patterns.  The new thought patterns are affirmations, sayings to state to yourself repeatedly.  Hay also states to “assume that you are already in the process of healing” and to repeat the new thought pattern whenever thoughts of the problem occur.

I can remember a period of time when my bathroom mirror was covered with colored index cards which had different affirmations printed on them.  When brushing my teeth, washing my face and putting on makeup, I was reminded to say kind things to myself.  This affirmation process stayed on my mirror for a very long time, entirely changing my pattern of self talk. 

“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.“

Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865)

Today I’m thinking about this comment by Abe Lincoln, stated over 100 years ago.  I notice that people are no different now, than then – seeking the feeling of happiness.

Why would we choose to be unhappy?  Do we do it consciously or do it while seeking the very thing we are looking for?  Michael frequently quotes Abraham, from Esther and Jerry Hicks’ book “Ask and it is Given”, which I ‘happen’ to be reading.  I am choosing to read this book more slowly than any book I’ve ever read in my life and will start over, reading it again when I’m finished.   The philosophy given feels that valuable to me.   The book repeatedly states that it’s important for us to realize that in seeking any emotional state, we may miss it entirely by focusing on the fact that it is missing from our lives.  When we focus on something we wish to have, it is natural to notice it’s absence yet where our focus lands is where we get to choose the absence or the presence of the thing we seek.

That’s the point I think Abe Lincoln is trying to make.  We have a choice to be happy…… or not to be.

 All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make, the better.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are many avenues to pursuing change.  In his book “Do One Thing Different” Bill O’Hanlon suggests 10 ”Solution Keys” to create change and problem solve in your life.  O’Hanlon is one of developers of solution-focused therapy.  (I remember buying the book solely because I was intrigued by the title and that the title alone made a great journaling prompt.) He suggests ”solution keys” such as “find and use solution patterns”, and “shift your attention”.  The book goes into greater detail about options for change and where to focus your attention when approaching a problem or solution.

I previously mentioned my change process that included identifying the issue to change and finding a means for evaluating options.  Today I suggest (3) choose the new behavior/action and try it on for size, experiment and practice.  After evaluating options for change, start trying something new.  I refer to it like trying on clothes because if I was shopping for a blazer, I would find there are an endless number of colors, styles and sizes out there.  I cannot buy a blazer that fits without trying it on. I cannot change something in my life, unless I find something that “fits”. Which leads me to (4) when it works, own it.  In other words, take on this new thing and GO!  I sound like I’m writing an essay and this if far more linear than I ever write!  However, I will summarize:  (1) identify what you want to change (2) create a manner for evaluating the options (3) choose a new behavior and try it (4) when you’re successful, own it.  There is much flexibility with this process and always leaves plenty of room for re-evaluation and continued growth. 

Happy Thursday

Flo

We must always change, revew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden. 

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

On any given day, it’s likely I’m in the midst of some self-evaluation process.  I search inside myself the endless list of things I’d like to change, improve or drop entirely and then, develop a gameplan for how-to-do one thing.  On some days, like last Saturday, the list became inevitably long.  I needed to overcome my paper-clutter issues, improve my marriage, create more positive self talk, and on and on.  As I said, the list was endless.  Being in such a state of introspection isn’t always good.  It can take my focus off the positive things in my life, as well as create an environment (in my brain, of course) where all I do and think about myself needs changed.  Fortunately, when I’m introspective, the thoughts are typically corraled into the “let’s see what I need to work on” part of myself and negative self talk is not part of this process.

So, how to address something I want to change?  I recently made a lengthy pro/con list when trying to make an important job decision.  This shed an enormous light on my reasons for wanting to make the move into private practice (vs. working a job and private practice).  The list gave me visual confirmation of what was going on in my mind and provided order and organization to the process.  The list became a validation tool.  There are other evaluation options such as sometimes it helps to get feedback from mentors, from friends, from family members who are insightful about you or the issue you want to change or create.  This was also a big help in my process and part of the pro/con list was created on the telephone with a co-worker, which provided an amazing amount of support and (again) validated my thought process. 

For today, focusing on the idea of change or improvement, I believe the first two steps are (1) identify what you want to change and (2) create a manner for evaluating the options (i.e. pro/con list, feedback from others) and I’ll continue this topic later.

 Flo

Last week, I dropped my husband off at the airport and noticed how easily he made it through security.  I stood above him, and watched the luggage go through the scanner, sure at any moment TSA would stop him and shout “HALT!  You’re under arrest!” or whatever it is they say at airports.  Not that the situation was arrest-worthy. He was merely traveling with two EKG machines to Ethiopia.  Fortunately, he was not stopped at DIA.  He was, however, stopped at Washington-Dulles and I can only hope the luggage made it to Addis Ababa and on to Gondar.

Following his departure, a friend called to see if I had heard from him.  I talked with this friend about my choice not to worry during this trip. It’s a very tough decision for me not to worry.  “Africa is far away. The medical facilities are poor. We will have no contact. What if he falls and breaks his leg? What about both legs?  What will he eat for two weeks?”  I told the friend “I have two options – I can think the worst and drive myself crazy, spending the next two weeks with little to no sleep or I can assume the best, sleep well and be calm and know I’ll see him, safe and sound, in two weeks.”

For me, the conversation validated that we all have options on how we view any given situation.  There are many appropriate reasons we look at the world the way we do and I always want to remember it’s my choice to have peace of mind or not.

Namaste’ Flo